When the Sun Comes Up
by welovemerder
Summary: Season 4 finale and beyond from MERDER point of view. Read and Review! Rate T for language and love. *I don't own Grey's Anatomy, but I wish! Mentions of Christina, Owen, Mark, Izzie, Lexie, Alex, George, the Chief, and Bailey
1. How It All Began

**Fate. The funny thing about fate is it turns up when you least expect it. Your one nightstand, well now he is the love of your life. They say that fairytales aren't real, that you can't have it all. An ordinary girl can't be a princess. A person can't have a happily ever after. I may not believe in fairytales, but I believe that fate can happen.**

I was driving. Driving out to Derek's land. I bought like 300 citronella candles. I was going to build a house of candles. Who the hell does this? I guess I do. Why I can't tell Derek I love him in a normal way? I don't know. I had to tell him how I felt. I never stopped loving him. I will _never_ stop loving him.

I think Derek and I have always loved each other, we just never knew that we loved each other. I may have not knew it then, but the night we met at the bar, well that was the beginning of our fate. Our fate needs a happy ending; I just hope he can still love me.

Things between Derek and I have always been complicated. We never had that perfect Disney romance. It all started out rough.

First lets start out with how I met him in a bar. I was drinking heavily after the intern mixer. Tequila, my drink of choice. I remember this like yesterday.

*Flash Back*

_"Straight Tequila? You're going to be sorry in the morning." Joe said._

_" I'm always sorry in the morning….but I start my first day at work tomorrow, so keep them coming," I smiled._

_That's when I head his voice for the first time_

_"Double scotch single malt, please" he asked._

_"So is this a good place to hang out?" he questioned me._

_"I wouldn't know, I've never been here before" I shyly answered._

I wanted to leave. I just thought this way another guy trying to pick me up in a bar. How I was so wrong.

_"Oh you know what, I haven't either. First time here, I'm new in town. I've never been in Seattle, I have a job so…" he rambled. "Ah, you're ignoring me" he teased._

_"Uhm trying to" I blatantly said._

_"You shouldn't ignore me" he smiled._

That smile was so intoxicating. I couldn't help but smile back at him. He was so cute with his red button up shirt, his hair all nice and perfect, and his scruff. He really was Dreamy. Don't tell him I said that.

_"Why not?" I asked._

_"Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love" he flirted back._

I can't believe he really used that pickup line. I was tipsy though, so it worked.

_"Really?" I smiled._

_"Oh yes." He smiled._

_"So if I know you I'll love you" I questioned._

_I may have been a little tipsy._

_"Oh yes" he smiled._

_"You really like yourself, huh?"_

_"Just hiding my pain" he smirked and then took a swig of his drink._

_"So what's your story?" he questioned raising his glass a little._

_" I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar." I stated. Giving him a smile back. This was turning into something it wasn't suppose to._

_"I'm just a guy in a bar" he glanced at me giving the most McDreamy smile._

I to this day still think that is what seduced me. It still does. I took him home that night and he took advantage of me or I took advantage of him. To this day I'm not sure, but this is how it all began.

Then there was all the stuff after that. Like apparently he was married. Yes to a beautiful red head named Addison. I couldn't help but hate her. I still remember the first time I met her.

_"Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd." She said coming to shake my hand._

_"Shepherd?" I said with a blank stare._

_"You must be the woman who is screwing my husband." She glared at me._

Derek was married. I got past it though because I was still in love with him. I admitted it to him in the OR.

"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

I begged him to stay with me. I literally begged. He chose Addison, and I was devastated, embarrassed, you know all those emotions. However, we were still friends. We still loved each other.

I never really knew how long my story was. Well there was the bomb and I totally envisioned Derek helping me take the bomb out of the chest. There was Doc. Such a sweet dog. Then I started dating the vet, Finn. I think that made Derek jealous. Then I started dating both of them at once. Yeah, bad idea because in my heart it was always for Derek. Let see, I had appendicitis, and chose Derek in that same day. We took a small break before dating again.

Then I drowned, and came back to life. Crazy, right? Derek seemed distant after that whole thing. Let's see I broke up with him and we had lots of break up sex. It was really great sex, everywhere anywhere, anytime. He then old me he wanted a life with me. Me being the person I am, wasn't ready for commitment. Then George told me about him and Rose kissing in the scrub room. That's when we broke up for real and he started dating Rose.

After he started dating her I became jealous, not really jealous, but I still loved him. I still _love_ him. So I came up with a clinical trial. We lost more patients than we saved, but Derek bought a bottle of Champagne. We would crack it open when we saved our first patient. Beth was alive, but not awake yet. She loved Jeremy and it reminded me of something. The love I have for Derek. So I left the hospital and bout 300 candles and a couple of lighters. I couldn't find the Champagne, but that wasn't important. I needed to tell him that I loved him.

Which brings me here now. I have set and lit 300 candles on his land into the shape of "our house". What the hell was I thinking. He's going to think I'm the dumbest person in the world. I mean he's dating Rose.

"Stupid, Corny Idiotic, I can't believe I did this! Stupid loser, so of a.. I could be at home instead of..Ugh! "

And that is when I heard his voice call out.

"Meredith!" he said.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting and waiting for you! And I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing. I was just going to tell you, this over here, is our kitchen. And this is our living room. And over there, that's the room where our kids could play!" I had this whole thing about how I was going to build us a house, but I don't build houses because I'm a surgeon! And now I'm here feeling like a lame-ass loser! I got all whole and healed. And you don't show up and now its ruined because you took so long to come home! And I couldn't even find that bottle of Champagne." I rambled.

He held up the bottle. I couldn't believe my eyes. He walked over towards me and began to examine my house.

"This is the kitchen? Living Room? It's small. The view is much better from here. That's the room where the kids are going to play?" He smirked at me.

My heart was beating a million miles an hour. He was here. He was here and we weren't arguing.

"Wheres our bedroom?" he smirked at me.

Shit. I totally forgot.

"I'm still mad at you! And I don't know if I can still trust you! I began.

He walked towards me. My heart was beating a million miles an hour.

" I wanna trust you but I don't know if I do so I'm just gunna try, I'm just gunna try and trust you because I believe we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart!.

He put his hand on my cheek.

"And I wanna be.."

He crashed his lips onto mine. I could feel his toungue in the depths of my mouth. They were swirling together. It was so passionate. I couldn't believe it. My heart fluttered. Derek was kissing me! He was holding me tight. I put my arms around his neck. It felt like old times. He let up and then pecked my lips a few times. He then let go of me.

" I have to go."

"What?"

"In order to kiss you how I want to kiss you.. I need my conscious clear. I need to go tell Rose. Don't move. Stay right where you are. I will be back" he smiled at me.

My heart fluttered and a tear escaped my eye. I watched as he ran to his car and I just stood there. This was for real. Derek and I were for real. Our fate began again.


	2. This is My Fate

**Glad I got some reviews in the first chapter. The lyrics below are from John Legend's Sun Comes Up. Please Read and Review. Your reviews inspire me to write! **

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_I know you think I'm like the other man, you let him in and he breaks your heart again  
But this things more than physical I'll free your mind and I'll bless your soul  
Tonight we're gonna lose track of time body and spirit will intertwine and we'll stay here the rest of the night_

The sun peaked through the windows and awoke me. I looked over and Meredith was curled up in a ball, snoring like a trucker. I watched as she slept. She was a beautiful woman; words cannot describe the feeling I have for her. Last night when she built the house of candles, I knew I was going to marry her, just when she was ready. There was nothing that was going to drag me away from her this time, not one thing in this world could tear me away from the love of my life.

I know I have broken her in the past, but this time I was not. She is the love of my life. She will _always _be the love of my life. She's my Meredith. She just looked cute when she slept. Her blonde hair tossed from side to side. Her tiny intellectual fists grasping the blanket. Her eyes were closed, but they are just lovely. Her green eyes melt my heart every time I look at them. When she drowned not to long ago, all I wanted to see were those two green eyes look back at me. With her eyes you could see all her emotions. I know what's wrong with her without her even speaking. This is why were meant to be together.

I got up to go take a shower when Meredith stopped me.

"Der, are you up?" she said groggily.

"Yeah, I'm about to take a shower" I replied back.

"Please stay, hold me" she begged.

How could I say no to her? If I could I would spend my whole entire life in bed with her. Just holding her.

I laid back down in the bed and wrapped both of my arms around her in a tight hug.

"Is this better" I asked.

"Mhmm…sleep" she said.

"We should get up, enjoy the day, we never get days off together" I said.

"Der…it's early" she moaned.

" It's 10:30. You never sleep this late when we get to work" I firmly stated.

"Your right" she said.

She tossed around and stared into my eyes.

"Hi" she smiled.

"Hi" I smiled back.

"Is this real?" she questioned.

"Mer, this is more than real. I'm never going anywhere, I promise. I'm waiting for you no matter how long it takes."

"I promise I won't take that long" she giggled.

"Take as much time as you need. We don't need to rush things. I am the happiest man alive as long as I'm with you."

"That was so cheesy" she laughed.

"It may be cheesy, but its true. I love you Meredith Grey."

"I love you too Derek Shepherd."

I smiled at her and leaned in for a kiss. She returned the favor back and deepened the kiss. She moaned in my mouth. Things were starting to get intense. She reached for my shirt and pulled it over my head. I did the same to hers as we broke the kiss just for a second. She moaned in my mouth as the kiss got more intense.

"Shower?" she coyly smiled.

"Shower" I murmured.

The shower in the trailer is small, but we have has sex in that thing more times than I can count. Shower sex is the best kind of sex.

I turned on the warm water and turned back to her continuing of festivities. I reached for the clasp of her bra and undid it. Two fully exposed breasts were now showing. She pulled down her pajama pants and she reached down to untie my pants. We both slid down each others pants simultaneously. She reached for my boxers and slid them down. I pulled down her thong and watched as it hit the floor. She took my hand and lead me into the shower. She pinned me against the wall and said

"Take me for a ride, Derek".

How could I say no now, not that I was ever going to. I took full advantage of this opportunity, and there seemed to be no complaining from her.

After the really super amazing shower sex we decided to go back to Meredith's place. Her roommates were gone, and if we decided to have sex again, were could be as loud as we wanted.

I drove us back to her house. The car ride was silent, but she was holding my hand tightly the whole ride there. As we arrived we got out of the car and Meredith proceeded to the porch swing. I followed close behind and sat next to her. She leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Willyoumoveinwithme?" she mumbled.

"What?" I asked.

"Will you move in with me. I mean I know we just got back together and everything…maybe this is too soon…It's just that"

I cut her off.

"Yes"

"Yes?" she questioned.

"I would love nothing more than to spend 24 hours a day with you and share the same living quarters as you. So yes Meredith, I will move in with you" I smiled.

I kissed her cheek and she wiped a tear away from her eye. I knew this was a big step for her.

"Good, I wasn't going to take no for an answer" she started to giggle.

I laughed and put my arms around her as we stared into the distance. This is how my fate restarted.


	3. What Is Love?

**There seems to be little interest in this story. Please Review if you want me to keep going. Thanks.**

* * *

_baby when the sun comes up, I'm gonna be holding you  
it's destiny that your next to me, i'm in love with you  
oh and baby when I wake up, I'm gonna be there with you, a new day rise I wanna look in your eyes when the sun comes up_

Derek is in my bed sleeping next to me. Not that it's any different than when we were together before, but now he _lives here, lives here_. This is a big step for me. I never had a guy actually move in with me, better yet I've never moved in with a guy. This is all new to me. I'm freaking out just a little. I won't run though. I love him, way too much to hurt him. I think he feels the same about me.

I glared at the alarm clock. It was 5:25. Both of us started our shift a 7. I just basked in the comfort of his two strong arms wrapped around me. I love how he holds me like this. I could have him do this forever.

BUZZZZ! BUZZZ! BUZZZ!

"Is it time to get up already?" he moaned.

"Hey, you're the one who initiated round two last night!" I giggled.

He opened his eyes and smiled at me. _God he was beautiful_.

"I heard no complaints on your part" he laughed.

"I wasn't complaining, just telling straight facts." I smiled.

We just stared at each other for a few minutes. His piercing blue eyes were melting my heart.

"I love you" he said.

"Love you too" I smiled.

He pecked me on the cheek.

"Come on we better get ready for the day" he suggested.

After taking an hour to get ready I went downstairs to find Derek making breakfast.

"Here's some eggs and toast for you" he said handing me the plate.

"You didn't have to do that. I mean you don't have to do things like this." I said.

"This is what people do in a relationship, Mer" he smiled.

"But I don't want you to feel like you have to do things like this for me. I can take care of myself" I said.

"I want to do things like this for you. I want to make you eggs, open doors for you, and push your chair in. I'm in this Mer and these gestures show you how much I care" he stated.

I could feel tears stinging in the corners of my eyes. He really did love me. Not that I ever doubted it, but just the little things mean so much.

" I've never done this, I mean I've never has anyone do these things for me before" I whimpered.

"I know and it's okay Mer. You're learning. I love doing these things for you because it shows you how much I care" he said coming over to kiss my temple.

He pulled me in a tight embrace. I could just stand there in his arms forever.

"Come on, it's getting late, we better head off to work" he said.

I let go of his embrace and we brushed our teeth. He gathered his briefcase and grabbed the car keys. We held each other's hand firmly all the way to the hospital. He kept looking in the rear view mirror and every time I smiled at him. I was happy.

We arrived to the hospital and walked through the parking lot hand in hand. We went through the hospital doors and he kissed my temple.

"I'll see you later okay? Love you Mer."

"Love you too" I said.

With that he walked towards the elevator and I headed to the resident's lounge.

I arrived in the lounge and Christina was the only one in there.

"He made me eggs"

"And your point?" she asked.

"No one has ever done that for me before. Not the making me eggs part, but doing all the little things. I don't know. It's just that all this is new to me.."

"Mer, stop. I know this is all knew to you, but McDreamy cares. He loves you. And no matter how sickening it makes me he the one for you. I'm happy for you. Really I am, but please no sex details!" she said.

"You know you will always be my person, right?"

"Of course, you will need someone to come to when he pisses you off"

"Thanks Chris, It means a lot to have you support me"

"I'm your person, remember?"

With that I smiled. I think for the first time in a long time I was sort of happy. My person totally supported me, even though she doesn't care for Derek. Then there was Derek. He was doing all the little things. I headed down to the pit where I was assigned. I couldn't take that damn smile off my face. I now know what love really is.


	4. Surgery Junkie

**This will be divided into two parts. Read and Review please_  
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* * *

_Wait a minute baby I'm not through I intend to spend more than one night with you  
A love affair that never ends like the old song says "lets do it again"  
Come with me I know you'll stay you'll wake up in the morning to a brand new day  
than begins the rest of your life_

The OR is such a rush. There is nothing that can be compared to it. Cutting, cauterizing, and stitching. Appendicitis, cerebral hematomas, and aortic aneurisms. Just a few health issues. There is the rush of never knowing what you're going to find. I love this. I love being a surgeon. I am not my mother, but this is the best job in the world. _Best feeling in the world._

Although one thing I hate about the job is charting. Charting is the worst. I haven't been on one surgical case all day. I needed to cut. I needed to smell the OR. I needed and adrenaline rush.

I sent my interns to the clinic. I figured they couldn't mess that up right? Walking by the OR board I noticed Derek had a surgery. I couldn't help but notice that it was a corpus colostomy. I have never actually seen one in person. I wanted in so bad, but I didn't want to be _that_ girlfriend. You know that girlfriend who only uses their, world class, neurosurgeon, boyfriend to let them scrub in on a corpus colostomy. I wanted in the OR though.

I grabbed a stack of charts from the nurse's station and walked towards his office. I wanted somewhere to finish up these stupid things.

I knocked on the door.

"Come in!" he said.

"Hey" I said.

"Well isn't this a nice surprise" he said and came over to kiss my cheek.

I smiled.

"I needed some company while charting. So I though I would come spend some time with you" I smiled.

"You're more than welcome," he said sitting down on the couch. He patted a seat gesturing for me to come sit next to him. I leaned on his shoulder.

"How has your day been?" he asked.

This was my opportunity. Let's make my dad sound pretty lame.

"Well…. I checked on some post-ops and now I am charting. Pretty eventful!" I sarcastically said.

"Hmm…sounds as great as my day. I have been sitting in this office just doing paperwork. I haven't cut open today. I have a surgery scheduled for later…do you want to scrub in?"

This was my chance.

"Are you asking me on a date Derek Shepherd?" I flirted.

"Meredith Grey, will you join me in the OR this evening for a corpus colostomy? I'll let you hold the clamp" he teased.

"I would more than happy to scrub in" I smiled. "Do you want me to bring anything?" I joked.

"Yourself. And please wait for me after the surgery. I was thinking we could both go out to the trailer tonight. Would you want to?"

"I would love to" I said.

"Great" he smirked.

"Great" I said.

With that exchange he stared into my eyes. Giving me the most McDreamy smile. He leaned over and started pumping my lips. I moaned in pleasure. Then he pulled the shoulder of my scrub top to the side and he began pecking and sucking on my neck.

"I have to… get these charts done..or I won't be able to scrub in on our..uhh… date tonight"

I didn't want this to stop. He sat up and then kissed my forehead.

"Okay, but I'm finishing where we left off tonight" he smirked.

"I'll be counting on it Dr. Shepherd" I giggled.

Finally it was OR time. I prepped the patient. The little boy couldn't have been more than seven. His name was Jacob. He was having eight seizures a day. We were about to cut his brain literally in half, separating the two hemispheres. Little kids like him will be okay though since their brains are still forming. Their neurons will find other ways to think. Still it must have been a difficult decision for the parents. We were after all cutting his brain in half.

We were wheeling him into surgery when Derek stopped by.

"Hey Jacob, are you ready?"

He nodded.

We wheeled him into the OR and set him on the operating table.

"Dr. Shepherd?" he said.

"Yes?" he said. He came up and crouched down to the little boy.

"I'm scared." He said. Tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Then I said it. I can't believe I said this.

"Jacob, would you feel more comfortable if I held your hand?" I came over to help reassure him.

"Will you hold it the whole surgery?" he sniffled.

I didn't hesitate.

"Yes, I'll hold it the whole time" I smiled with my eyes back at him.

Derek looked over at me and I could see his smile through his scrub mask.

"All right Jacob I'm going to put you to sleep, ok?" the anesthesiologist said.

He nodded. Within seconds he was out.

Derek had a nurse tie his gown on.

"All right people, it's a beautiful evening to save some lives. Let's have some fun"


	5. Holding Hands

**Part 2. hope you enjoy. Read and review!_  
_**

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_baby when the sun comes up, I'm gonna be holding you  
it's destiny that your next to me, I'm in love with you  
oh and baby when I wake up, I'm gonna be there with you, a new day rise I wanna look in your eyes when the sun comes up_

I glanced over at Meredith. She was holding Jacob's hand and looking compassionately towards him. God I loved her. She looked motherly holding his hand. One day I hope to make her the mother of my children. Having her DNA is my children I something I want. _Something I need_.

"Scalpel" I firmly said.

The nurse handed me the scalpel and I began. This surgery is a more rare one to do, but it isn't unheard of. I've done probably 3 or 4 and have sat in on 2.

I took his skull flap off. I was staring at the brain. The adrenaline never seemed to stop when I saw this organ, no matter how long I have been in neuro.

"Meredith, would you like to hold the clamp? We can have someone take over." I asked.

"No. I made a promise and I'm keeping it. I'll stay here." She said still looking down at Jacob.

My heart fluttered. She would make a great mother one day.

I stared at the brain. It was time to cut the fibers that connected the two hemispheres. This would be a huge change. His two hemispheres would have to work separately, but it's for the better. He will now be able to play and go about his day as a normal kid.

I was about to make a cut when the monitor started beeping.

"BP is low!" a nurse yelled.

I need to do this.

"V-fib!" a nurse yelled.

"Get the paddles! Push one of Epi!" I ordered.

I lifted Jacob to his side while another nurse slid the board underneath him.

"Charge to 200!"

I watched as Meredith removed her hand.

"Clear!"

"No change" Meredith said as she resumed holding his hand.

"Push another round of Epi, Charge to 300!"

"Clear!"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"We have a rhythm" Meredith said in relief.

I sighed and looked down at the brain. The human body is a mysterious thing. You never know what is going to happen. I made the cuts to the brain. It looked so weird. Two separate lobes.

"Alright someone close for me. I'm going to go update the parents and say the surgery was a success. Do you want to come with me Meredith?" I said.

"It's okay. I'll stay right here and hold his hand. I promised I'd be here for the whole surgery" she said.

"Alright, I'll see you in post-op"

I headed to the scrub room. That was close. We almost lost this boy on the table. Now I had to go explain to the parents there were complications. I took a deep breath before I headed to the waiting room.

After I told the parents I went up to post-op. Meredith was in Jacob's room still holding his hand. She was amazing. She really is amazing. I stared through the rooms window for a little longer and then walked in.

"Hey" I whispered.

"Hey" she said smiling.

"You were amazing in the OR today" I said.

"How was I amazing? I didn't even do anything. I just sat there holding his hand" she mumbled.

"Mer, that was more than amazing. You showed a side of being a surgeon we don't see very often. You were there for the patient when he needed you most. He was scared and you sat through the surgery holding his hand. Even when he went into v-fib. That is more than amazing. There are no words to describe it" I said breathlessly walking towards her.

"I know what it's like to be alone and scared. He just needed someone. It the least I could do. I could hardly call it amazing." She said staring into my eyes.

"That's what makes you special Mer" I came over to kiss her temple. I now knew I needed to spend the rest of my life with her. I wouldn't propose no, but soon.

She smiled at me.

"Owah" a whisper came over from Jacob.

"Hey buddy, don't try to talk. Your surgery was a success. Can I let go of your hand?" she said.

He nodded. She let go of his hands. His eyes gave Meredith the biggest thank you.

"Alright I'm going to do some post-op charts. What do you say, lets head to my office?" I asked.

"Alright, just one sec" she asked.

"You did good Jacob, I'll see you around this week, okay?" she said crouched down next to him.

He nodded and she waved goodbye.

I just couldn't stop grinning. She turned around and I took her hand. I didn't care who saw us. She was my Meredith.

We made it back to my office and I shut and locked the door behind me. I turned around and started to kiss her passionately. She opened her lips so I could slide my tongue inside. I ran my tongue against her teeth hard. She moaned in pleasure.

"Der…not here. Home" she said.

"Alright lets go home" I stated.

"What about the post-op chart?" she asked.

"It can wait till tomorrow. There is nothing more I want to do then spend the evening in bed with you" I smirked.

"Let's go" she smiled.

I went and got my briefcase and grabbed her hand. We walked out of the hospital into the cool night Seattle rain.

I gripped her hand tighter as we made to the car. I opened her door and then made it into my side. I turned the engine on and stared into the rear view mirror. I couldn't help but think that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Meredith Grey was going to be my wife someday. A giant grin came across my face. I held onto her hand all the way home.


	6. I Love Him

__Read and Review Please. Review inspire me to write :)

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_When the morning breaks I'll awake and then I won't want you to go  
And when you're gone I'll hold on to the memory all day  
And baby when the sun comes up yeah yeah yeah  
So listen here now I know you've been hurt by the one before I know your pain  
And I know you never thought you could love again but I know the way yeah yeah  
And I know about your circumstance but love is here at a second chance so take my hand and follow me you'll never wanna leave_

Ugh. I hate getting up in the morning. There are definitely not perks to being a second year resident. It's basically like being an intern, without the intern title. I turned around to look at Derek. He wasn't there. He wasn't in the trailer.

I walked over to the refrigerator to see what was in there. I noticed a note on the door.

_Mer,_

_Got called in for an emergency surgery. Find me when you get a chance. I would love to say good morning to my girlfriend._

_Love,_

_D_

I smiled at the note. Love, D. It was in writing, he loved me. I know we say it to each other everyday, but it honestly means so much more in writing._ He loved me. He loved me. He loved me_.

I proceeded to get ready for the day. I decided I wanted to look nice for Derek when I saw him at work today.

I took a shower and washed my hair in the lavender shampoo that drives him crazy. I then put my loose hair curlers in. I wanted to enhance my natural wave. As I waited for my hair to form I decided to throw on some makeup. Not too much, but something to make him notice. I threw on some foundation, eyeliner, and mascara. Perfect. I proceeded to put on a white lace cami with a black henley on top. I grabbed my dark skinny jeans and threw them on with a pair of heels to match. I felt good. I took my hair out and perfected it with some hairspray. Looking in the mirror I felt good. Derek rarely sees this side of me. I'm sure he will be stunned.

I gathered my things and was out the door. I was going to be late, but this was more than worth it. _Derek loved me_.

I ran through the parking lot of the hospital.

"Shit, Fuck, I'm really late!" I mumbled as I reached the main entrance.

Of course Bailey was standing at the front desk when I arrived. She wasn't in charge of me anymore, but it sure felt like she was.

"Grey you're late! Your shift started twenty minutes ago!" she bellowed as I ran.

I ignored her as I ran to the lounge to change. Luckily someone assigned my interns to the clinic. As I was running I bumped into someone. It was Derek.

"Crap!" I said.

"Crap?" he smirked.

"Crap, I'm late" I gave him a weak smile.

He stared directly at me.

"You look beautiful today, not that you don't any other day, but today is especially….WOW!" he said breathlessly leaning over and kissing my cheek.

"Thanks, but I'm late" I said running in to change into my scrubs.

"Want to scrub in on a craniotomy with me in an hour?" he asked.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Seriously" he smiled.

"Okay" I said.

"Okay then. See you in thirty for pre-op" he smiled.

His smile got to me. He really loved me. I felt a tear roll down the side of my cheek. His facial expression was a confused one.

"Mer, what's the matter?" he asked concerned.

"The note you left me. You said you loved me," I said. More tears streaming down my face.

He walked closer to me and put his hand on my tear-stained cheek.

"That's because I do love you. You know that right?"

"I know you do. It's just the first time I've seen it in writing. It makes it seem that much more real. You know?"

He gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I do know" he said inching closer to me.

He put his head in the crook of my neck and began to take in my scent.

"Mmm. Lavender" he said muffled into my neck.

"Just for you" I giggled. " I love you and in writing too!" I blurted.

"I love you Meredith Grey, don't ever forget that"

With that he placed a sweet kiss on my lips. It was quick, like we would do it for the rest of our lives.

"Can I have your hand?" he asked.

"You may" he smiled.

We walked hand in hand over to the neurosurgery wing. I knew from this moment on that I wanted to be with Derek. **_Forever_**.


	7. My Heart

I know this update is shorter, but the next one will be longer. I promise. Please Read and **Review**

_You'll still be here oh yeah when the sun comes up  
You'll still be here in the morning when the sun comes up  
Yeah yeah oh yeah when the sun comes up  
Yeah eh eh eh oh yeah when the sun comes up  
In the morning when I rise I wanna look into your eyes yeah when the sun  
Oh oh oh oh when the sun comes up  
Yeah ... when the sun comes up  
Yeah yeah when the sun comes up  
Yeah yeah eh o o when the sun comes up  
ooo when the sun comes up  
Baby when the sun comes up_

I was going to propose to Meredith. I didn't know how and I didn't know when, but I knew I was going to do it. I have my mother's ring that my father gave to her before he died. I would give her that ring. She would be part of a family. _Part of my family_. She is my **whole heart**.

I was at the hospital before Meredith. I was on call for the past twelve hours. I needed to find Mark. I needed to ask him some questions.

I walked into the cafeteria and there stood Mark, drinking a coffee and flirting with a nurse. That was Mark for sure.

"Sloan!" I yelled. " "Can I have a word?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute" he said back.

"Sloan now, it's an emergency!" I bellowed.

Sloan rushed over to me.

"Conference room lets go!" I firmly stated.

"This better be important man, that nurse was H-O-T!" he smirked.

We walked into the conference room. I closed the blinds and shut the door behind us.

"What's going on. I'm getting a little freaked out. It seems that you want to get your freak on. Just to let you know, I don't roll that way" he laughed.

"Shut up." I said.

"Okay, you have the floor man" he said.

"Okay. Look at this"

That is when I pulled the ring out.

"What are you doing with an engagement ring….holy crap!" he said shocked.

"I plan on proposing to Meredith. I don't know when and I don't know how. All I know is I want to spend the rest of my life with her." I smiled looking down at the ring.

"Congrats man" he came over and gave me a hug.

"I think you should do an over the top proposal. But that isn't really Meredith, so never mind. How do you plan on doing it?"

"Meredith isn't an ordinary girl. I don't know how I'm going to do it yet, but I know I will ask her soon" I smirked.

"Congrats man" Mark said again.

"Promise not to sleep with this one?" I joked.

"No way. She's too dark and twisty for me!" he joked slapping me on the arm walking away.

I put the ring back in my lab coat.

I walked out of the conference room and saw Meredith heading to the resident's lounge.

**_Stay calm, cool, and collected, Derek_.** I took a few minutes to collect myself. I was going to marry her.

I headed over to the resident's lounge. Meredith walked out.

"Hey" she smiled.

"Hey" I said kissing her on the cheek.

"I missed you last night" she said.

She started to pump my lips. I moaned in her mouth.

"We're in public" I managed to squeak out.

"Opps sorry" she blushed.

"Don't be sorry" I said.

In between an exchange of words a woman walked by with her daughter.

"Isn't she adorable?" I said. I waved to the little girl.

"She is. Not as cute as our kids though" she giggled.

_Our kids._ She was thinking about **our kids**! My heart fluttered. I knew I had to propose tonight.

"Hey Mer, I'll see you later. Iv'e got to run" I needed to plan my proposal. I kissed her check. She looked a little baffled.

"Okay, see you later?" she questioned.

"Yep. Love you!" she said.

"Love you too" I grinned walking away.

Meredith Grey was going to be my fiancé tonight.


	8. You'll See

**Alright here is a new chapter. Lyrics are from Jesus Jackson's Runnin' on Sunshine. Please Read and Review. I'm not sure if I want to continue so comments would help._  
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_Girl you've got me trippin' on sunshine_

_God knows you just made my day  
Since you came around, no  
I just can't slow down, no  
I wanna see you walk in my walk_

_Girl you got me thinking about diving_  
_And get down on one knee, maybe two_  
_People may stop and stare, but_  
_I don't even care, no_  
_Just as long as I'm with you_

_You got me running on sunshine_  
_Ain't no clouds getting in my way_  
_I must be running on sunshine_  
_Ain't no rain getting in my way_  
_No doubt, no doubt about it_  
_And there ain't no clouds in my sky_

This was it. I was going to propose. I had a plan. I just hope she says yes. Meredith is unlike any other woman I've been with. It almost hurts to not be with her every single minute of the day. When I caught Addison sleeping with Mark I was drowning, and when I met Meredith, it was like coming up for fresh air. She honestly saved me, I have never loved anyone like I love her. _I will never love anyone like I love her_.

Meredith was busy. I needed her to meet me at Joes tonight. I pulled out my phone.

**Me:** Hey. Meet me at Joe's after work?

**Meredith 3:** Sure. I could use a drink. What time?

**Me:** Does 7 work?

**Meredith 3:** Yepp. See you then!

**Me:** Love you!

**Meredith:** Love you too :)

All right. I can do this, right? I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, there was no doubt about it. I think I glanced at my watch every 30 seconds until seven arrived. That's when I walked across the street to the bar. I was wearing my red shirt, the one I was wearing the night I met her.

I walked into Joes. She was sitting at the bar counter throwing back a shot of tequila. I approached her.

"Is this a good place to hang out?" I bent over kissing her cheek.

"Hey" she smiled.

"Do you remember the night when I first met you?" I asked.

"Yepp, I was getting drunk in this very spot and you came and hit on me" she giggled.

"This is the same spot when I first laid eyes on you. You were breath taking. This is where I decided that I needed to get to know you" I gleamed over at her.

"I believe you did get to _know _me that night!" she laughed.

"Yes I did. Let's get out of here Mer, I have some things I want to show you" I gestured taking her hand.

"Okay." She smiled. "See you later Joe" she waved as she put money on the table.

"Bye Docs!" he smiled while wiping out a glass.

I helped her into the SUV and I got in the other side.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see" I smiled.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"Why are we here?"

"You'll see" I smirked.

I held her hand and walked her to the OR 2. We entered the scrub room.

"This is where you told me you loved me. I know I chose to stay with Addison, but I wanted to tell you this then. Meredith, I love you."

"And I love you too? What are we doing Der?"

"You'll see" I said.

"See the OR table over there? You held a clamp for eight hours and didn't even flinch. That's when I knew I needed you" I smiled.

I proceeded to grab her hand. I walked out of the OR and we walked out the hospital doors.

"Now where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see" I smirked.

"Would you stop saying you'll see! Its really starting to creep me out!" she exclaimed.

"Okay, you'll know in a while" I said.

We drove out to my land. I helped her out of the car. I grabbed her hand and stood in the middle of the property.

"This right here. This is where you built me the house of candles and professed your love to me. This is the moment when I knew that you were ready. This is the moment that helped me realize I want to marry you."

I pulled out my mothers ring from my jean pocket. She stared in awe. Her mouth dropped a bit. A tear rolled down the side of her cheek.

"If there is a crisis you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse. You've survived worse, and you know we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty, it's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are. I'm not going to get down on one knee; I'm not going to ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I stated. Looking lovingly into her eyes.

My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I needed her to say yes, because I can't continue my life without her.

Choking back her tears she whispered to me:

"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

I smiled at her and nodded my head. She said yes! She freaking said yes! With that said I leaned in to kiss her. She put her arms around my neck. I deepened the kiss. Her hands made it to my head and she was brushing my curls. We kissed for what seemed to be forever. I finally broke away. Hot tears were streaming down her cheek. It used the pas of my thumb to wipe them away.

"Come on," I said. "Let's go inside" I smiled at her.

I couldn't stop smiling and neither could she. We were together, for good.

I never would have imagined this moment. All the shit we've been through. It's almost like a miracle. This woman was my whole heart and soul. The feelings I have for her are indescribable. I grabbed her hand and I was grinning ear to ear back to the trailer.

"I love you," she whispered into my ear.

"I love you too" I said.

This time those exchanges were the first for us on the road to becoming a married couple. It was the beginning to the rest of _our_ lives.

**Meredith Grey agreed **_**to marry me**_.


	9. Burnt Toast

_Girl you got me acting real crazy_  
_Chasing tail like some old dog_  
_Oh I got this rocket_  
_In my friendly pocket_  
_Ready to explode like a bomb_

_Something tells me you made me lose it_  
_Cause everything keeps shaking around_  
_We can cut the rule_  
_Make these walls go boom_  
_We can do this right here and now_

Holy crap! Holy Shit! I'm engaged. I looked down at the gorgeous ring on my finger. The unlovable Meredith Grey is engaged to the Derek Shepherd. I can't sleep. I'm just thinking about my future. Our future.

I rolled over to look at Derek. He was truly adorable when he slept. His mouth is slightly open, but he doesn't snore. He looked peaceful. I just smiled at him. I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and got out of bed. I was going to make him breakfast.

I walked over to the kitchen in the trailer and pulled a frying pan out from underneath the cupboard. There was no way I could mess up eggs and toast, right?

I opened the refrigerator and pulled out the eggs, butter, and cheese. I turned on the stove and heated up the pan. I put butter in the pan and let it melt. I began to crack the eggs.

One egg, Two egg, Three eggs, Four eggs. Shit. Shit. Shit. I dropped some shell in there. What do I do? I took my fingers and tried to pick it out that way. Success. I started to scramble the eggs with a spatula and added some cheddar cheese. Then I eyed the slat and pepper. Derek always did that when he made eggs. So I began to shake the salt and pepper throughout the eggs. I'm pretty proud of myself.

I took the bread out of the bed out of the bag and slid a couple pieces into the toaster slots. Perfect.

I walked over back to the bed. I nudged Derek on his back.

"Hmmm….." he moaned.

I leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

"Good morning, my fiancé!" he smiled pulling me down on top of him.

I giggled.

"Good morning Derek" I smiled.

"How is my woman today?" he asked.

"Your woman? Am I your property or something?" I glared at him.

"Your mine. No one else can have you!" he smirked.

"Well 'your woman' is making you breakfast" I smiled.

"Oh really?' he teased.

"Yes" I said bending down to kiss his lips softly. I deepened the kiss. I wanted to get lost in him.

"Mer" he said breathlessly.

"Hmm…" I moaned.

"Something's burning" he said.

"Oh Shit. It's the toast!"

I jumped up and ran over to the toaster. Shit I forgot to check the heat setting. It was on bagel mode.

I manually popped the toast up. It was charred black.

"Fuck, can I ever make anything perfect!" I exclaimed out of frustration.

"Perfect is overrated" he whispered into my ear. He wrapped his arms around my waste. "Besides what we have is amazing anyways. I wouldn't change it for the world"

"I love you I said putting my arms around his neck."

"I love you too, Meredith Grey"

He kissed me softly.

"The eggs atleast smell good" he smiled.

"Yeah, you can have some if you'd like"

He grabbed two plates from the cupboard above the counter and I scooped the eggs onto out plates.

I took a bite. Shit these were salty. Just plain nasty.

"Don't take a bite, this is gross!" I exclaimed.

"They can't be that bad" he smiled.

He took a forkful of eggs and put them into his mouth. He pursed his lips. I handed him a napkin and he spit them out.

"See told you so!" I said.

"You tried" he came over and kissed my cheek. "I love how you tried. But I'll make breakfast, I don't mind." He said pulling me into an embrace. "Let's get dressed, I'll take you out for an engagement breakfast before we have to work"

"This is why I love you" I laughed.

"Because I take you out for breakfast?" he laughed.

"No because you tried my eggs. You at least gave me the benefit of the doubt. No one every really has done that for me"

"I will always give you the benefit of the doubt. You are my fiancé and soon to be wife" He said.

"Wife."

"Yes. You will be my wife."

"I like the sound of that" I pecked him on the lips.

"So I was thinking. Remember how much we loved Doc?" he asked.

"Yeah. Doc. He was such a good dog" I reminisced.

"He was. I was thinking…if you wanted too..well we could get another dog. If you wanted too" he rambled.

"Stop rambling. Your starting to sound a lot more like me. I would love nothing more than to get another dog. I loved Doc. I would love nothing more than to get another dog with you." I smiled.

"Well then it's settled. This weekend we'll get another dog. Come on lets get ready for breakfast." He said motioning for my hand.

I smiled and couldn't stop. We were starting our lives together. I was his fiancé.


	10. Never Die

Sorry for the delay. I've been sick with the flu. Hard to write when you feel like crap. Please Read and Review! Thanks._  
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_You got me running on sunshine  
Ain't no clouds getting in my way  
I must be running on sunshine  
Ain't no rain getting in my way_

_Hey just get over yourself_  
_This thing is to good for you help_  
_Hey just get over yourself_

_Girl you got me tripping on sunshine_  
_God knows you just made my day_  
_Since you came around, no_  
_I just can't slow down, no_  
_I wanna see you walk in my walk_

Paperwork. One of the many joys of being an attending in neurosurgery. NOT. This was the worst part of the job, that, and not being able to spend most of the day with Meredith. I only have an hour of this shit left before Meredith's shift ends, and then we were going to get a dog. A dog. Yes as in a four-legged creature. This was the start to creating out family. It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. We were starting our family… kinda….

I was awoken from my daydreaming from knocking on my office door.

"Come in!" I said.

"Hey, you need to come quick! Its Meredith..she needs you!" Christina yelled.

My mind wandered to a million things. Was she hurt? Whats going on? Where is she?

"Where is she Christina?" I barked.

"She locked herself in the on call room over by the nurses station" she stated.

"Thanks" I smirked.

"This in no way makes us friends or even people who like each other, you know that right?"

I smirked as Christina walked away.

I knocked on the door.

"Mer. Open up, its me" I said.

I could hear some sniffling as I heard someone get up. My heart about shattered into a million pieces. I heard the door unlock and I walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying for a while. Her cheeks were tear stained and she was letting out gasping sobs. I sat down on the bed next to her and held her in a tight embrace. I was going to hold her until she was ready to talk.

"Don'tyoueverdie." She mumbled.

"What?" I asked.

She looked directly into my eyes.

"Don't you ever die!" she stated.

" I will do everything in my power not to die" I stated.

"Good" she stated.

"Where is all this coming from?" I asked.

"Nowhere." She firmly stated.

"Mer, it had to have come from somewhere. Something should have triggered it," I said. "You can trust me," I said.

"Okay. A newly engaged couple came into the ER. The woman's fiancé was complaining of chest pain after their morning jog. Turns out he had a massive air embolism. Altman and Christina worked on him for an hour..but they couldn't save him it was too late. I had to go inform his fiancé that she was alone. Alone. I have been alone so may time in my life…until I found you. I never want that to happen to me…you understand?" she began to sob again.

"Meredith…look at me" I said.

She was looking at me. Giant tears rolling down her face. I wiped them away with the pad of my thumb. I held her shoulders and stared directly into her beautiful greyish-green eyes.

"Meredith, I am not going anywhere and I promise to live. If something should happen to me I promise to fight. I'm not going anywhere. I promise not to run in the opposite direction when there is danger ahead. I would never leave you alone. I love you too much and I would never leave on purpose. " I gave her a smile.

"Good. I promise I won't run too," she whimpered.

"Good" I said pulling her into an embrace

I held her for a while till the tears subsided.

"Are you okay? I asked.

"Yeah, thank you" she said breathlessly.

"Ready to go?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm ready." She said.

I grabbed her hand.

"Let's go find us a dog" I smiled.

She smiled back at me and we left the on call room. I'm sure people were gossiping, but who cared? I was holding hands with the most beautiful woman on this earth. Nobody mattered to me just her. I would never leave her, I would never run.


	11. Part of the Family

This story has almost 2,000 views and only 4 comments. Pretty pathetic. I need some ideas so I would love to see comments for this! Anyways here is another chapter. Sorry it took awhile but I have been under the weather. PS: that last episode of grey's was crazy! Whose going to die? Glad all the originals signed back on so it give me relief it's probably not one of them. Anyways Read and Review! I REALLY NEED REVIEWS!

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_Girl you got me thinking about diving  
And get down on one knee, maybe two  
People may stop and stare, but  
I don't even care, no  
Just as long as I'm with you_

_You got me running on sunshine_  
_Ain't no clouds in my know_  
_I must be running on sunshine_  
_Ain't no rain getting in my way_

_You got me running on sunshine_  
_Ain't no rain getting in my way_  
_I must be running on sunshine_  
_Ain't no rain getting in my way_

_No doubt, no doubt about it_  
_And there ain't no clouds in my sky_

We arrived. We were at the Washington State Humane Society. Derek and I were going to pick out a dog. A dog. Yes like a freaking four -legged creature. I know I've, _we've_, had a dog before, but this was a big step. A huge step.

He took my hand as we walked across the parking lot. It was a cool Seattle afternoon. The sun was peeking out, yet it was a perfect fall day. Derek loosened the grip on my hand and opened the door to the shelter. I smiled politely at him and he put his hand on my back.

A lady at the front desk greeted us.

"Hello! Are you guys here for an adoption or just to look around?"

Derek spoke up before I had a chance.

"We would like to look, but hopefully we'll adopt today" he smiled.

"Alright" the lady smiled. " Come follow me. I'll take you guys back to the kennels. If you have questions feel free to as me. My name is Tammy and I would be happy to help" she said.

Derek and I both smiled at her

"Look at all these dogs Derek!" I exclaimed.

"There sure seems to be a lot of them here" he said.

"Yeah" I whispered.

"What kind of dog do we want to get?" he asked changing the subject.

"Nothing small or yappy. Nothing to hyper and no poodles!" I smiled.

"I think we can manage. I was thinking about a lab. They are usually nicely tempered and good size. Our dog could guard you while I'm away" he laughed.

"A lab? I like the idea of that."

He grabbed my hand and we walked around the rows of kennels. Then a dog caught my eye.

"Oh Derek, look at him!" I exclaimed. "Come here buddy, don't be shy" I babbled to the small white puppy.

"Do you want me to go get Tammy?" he asked.

"Yeah, I have some questions about the little guy" I said not looking up to Derek.

The puppy was just sniffing my hand and licking in between my fingers. He melted my heart.

"Derek tells me you have some questions" Tammy asked.

I stood up and looked down at the little guy.

"What kind of dog is he?" I asked.

"We're not sure of specifics, but he looks to be part white lab and possibly golden retriever. He would be a nice mellow dog when he gets out of his puppy stage" Tammy said crouching down to pet the dog behind the ears.

Derek smiled. He must of seen my face light up.

"So what do you think Meredith?" she asked smiling.

I stared directly into his eyes.

"I think he's the one!" I exclaimed.

"I agree too. I think it's agreed upon. He's our dog. Welcome to the family….."

"Logan" I interrupted too soon.

"Logan?" He said with a small smirk. "I like it"

"Great!" said Tammy.

She hooked a leash around Logan's neck.

"Let's go fill out some paperwork and you should be good to go" Tammy said.

We proceeded out of the room and Derek sat down at the desk.

Derek filled out the paperwork and I sat on the floor with Logan. Logan came over at sat in my lap and began licking my face.

"Hi buddy! Yeah I love you! We're taking you home. You coming home with Me and Derek, your mommy and daddy. We'll take you for lots of walks and you'll have your very own dog bed. How does that sound" I baby talked him while petting behind his ears.

"Ready to go, Mer?" Derek asked.

"Yep!" I said giggling.

We both got up and Derek held my hand while I held Logan's leash in the other.

"Congratulations on the new addition! He'll be a great family member" Tammy genuinely smiled.

I smiled warmly at Tammy and Derek gave her a nod.

We walked across the parking lot to the car.

"Want me to run to the pet store? Derek asked.

"Yeah, he's going to need a bed, food, water and food dishes, maybe a bone, and a cute little toy?" I said while Logan was lying in my lap.

"Okay" he smiled as we pulled out of the shelter's parking lot.

We drove in the direction of the pet store and Logan fell fast asleep on my lap.

I giggled. The little guy was snoring.

"Great, Now I have two snoring people in the house!" Derek laughed.

I punched him in the arm twice.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed. "Why did you punch me twice?" he asked.

"Once from me and another from Logan!" I laughed.

Derek laughed and smiled at me. He gave Logan a scratch on the head.

Derek pulled into the pet store and got the necessary items for Logan's first night with us. He loaded the trunk and came back around the the drivers seat. Logan still asleep in my lap.

"Our place or the trailer?" he asked.

"The trailer. He has more land to run around with" I smiled.

Derek took my hand and we were on our way out to the land. I just kept smiling. We were beginning out new life together. I was in love. He was it for me. I will never love someone like the way I love him. We are forever.


	12. Better Together

**More sappy story lines for everyone. I will have some drama coming up. Meredith and Derek can't be this perfect. They are just in their honeymoon : Better Together by Jack Johnson  
**

**Please Read and Review!**

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_There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard  
No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart  
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things  
Like a, shoebox of photographs  
With sepia-toned loving  
Love is the answer,  
At least for most of the questions in my heart  
Like why are we here? And where do we go?  
And how come it's so hard?  
It's not always easy and  
Sometimes life can be deceiving  
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together_

_Mmm, it's always better when we're together_  
_Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together_  
_Well, it's always better when we're together_  
_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

5:30 am. My day off and I'm awake. For good reason. Our dog Logan got me up. He needed to get out and use the bathroom so I rolled out of bed. Meredith was still snoring away. I smiled at the sight. God, that never gets old.

I walked over to my closet and grabbed a pair of navy sweats. I slid on a maroon button up henley, and grabbed my brown hiking vest. I put on some cotton white socks and went outside to my makeshift porch where I put on my hiking boots and laced them up. I went back inside the trailer and grabbed Logan and his leash.

"It's 5:30 in the freaking morning!" I groaned. "Lets go outside Logan" I said while strapping the leash to his collar.

We walked into the forested part of my land near the river. I let Logan go and I sat down on a rock. I looked into the horizon. I sat there and reflected on the last couple months.

Meredith built a house of candles and won my heart, not that she hadn't before. We rekindled, I guess.

She asked me to move in with her. I said yes.

I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, she said yes.

We adopted Logan.

There was nothing more on this earth that could make me happy. The day when I marry Meredith will be the happiest day of my life. With Meredith I know what love is. I did love Addison, but nowhere the way I feel about Meredith. She literally takes my breath away.

I sighed and stood up. Logan was sniffing along the river's edge.

"Come on Logan! Come here buddy! Lets go get up Mommy" I yelled in a cheerful tone.

Logan came running towards me. His ears flapping while he runs at full speed. He makes me smile. I strapped on his leash and we were on our way back to the trailer.

As we arrived back I let Logan loose and he ran up to the door. I slid off my boots off on the porch and opened the door for Logan.

"Hey buddy!"

I head while I was walking in. Meredith was on the ground rubbing Logan's belly. His tail was wagging in hyper speed. He loved his mommy.

Logan got up and went to get a drink from his water bowl.

She got up and threw her arms around me. She then gave me a soft sensual kiss. She let up and looked into my eyes.

"Good morning, "she smiled.

"Morning" I smiled back.

I held her for a few more minutes. She broke the hug.

"I made some coffee and toast if your interested" she said sitting down at the table.

I followed her lead and sat down next to her. I poured myself a cup of coffee and stirred in some creamer.

"Have you given any thought about the wedding?" I asked.

She stopped and stared at me. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"No rush" I smiled.

" I uhm.. was thinking that we could just get married at city hall. Cristina as my made of honor, Mark as you best man. Maybe have a small get together afterwards…you know with all of our friends and stuff… I mean if that's okay" she rambled.

I smiled at her. I couldn't believe that she actually had plans thought about. We we're only engaged two weeks ago.

"Oh god, that was a stupid idea. I'm so stupid sorry, you…"

I cut her off.

"I love that idea Mer. I've done big fancy weddings. It wasn't me and they make me uncomfortable. We can do city hall. It would be perfect. It would definitely be us."

"Do I have to wear a white dress?" she joked.

I laughed. "We could get married naked for all I cared. Just as long as we're together"

"You would like it if we got married naked" she smirked.

" I couldn't say I would object" I smiled.

She leaned across the table and gave me a peck on the lips. She then reached her hand across the table to grab mine.

"You know before I met you, I was drowning. I partied too much, drank too much tequila, and I just didn't care. You were like a breath of fresh air. You have changed my whole perspective on life. I couldn't imagine not spending another day with you. I love you Derek. I know I don't say it enough, but I LOVE you"

My heart was bursting at the seams. Meredith just opened up to me. She trusts me with her life and I trust her with mine.

"I love you too Meredith Grey" I said coming around to the other side of the table.

I sat next to her and swooped down on her lips kissing her passionately.

She broke the kiss.

"I know a way we can spend our day off together" she coyly smiled

"I'll let the dog outside" I smirked.

I opened the door to free Logan's eyes from what he was about to see. Me ripping of my fiancés clothes.

She took my hand and she pushed me on the bed. I loved days off. Days off are always better when were together.


	13. An Ordinary Lemon

thanks for the reviews from the last chapter. i love how it turned out! Please keep up the reviews! They make my day!_  
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_And all of these moments  
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight  
But I know that they'll be gone  
When the morning light sings  
And brings new things  
For tomorrow night you see  
That they'll be gone too  
Too many things I have to do  
But if all of these dreams might find their way  
Into my day to day scene  
I'd be under the impression  
I was somewhere in between  
With only two  
Just me and you  
Not so many things we got to do  
Or places we got to be  
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_  
_Mmm, we're somewhere in between together_  
_Well, it's always better when we're together_  
_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

I ended my 18 hour shift in two minutes. I had a long day down in the ER. Never volunteer to run the ER, its beyond stressful. Derek had a late surgery so I decided I would go back home and wait for him. That's when I heard the dreaded words.

"Dr. Grey, you have a patient in curtain three" said the nurse.

I groaned. I was still the doctor on duty because no one was down here to relieve me. I took the chart from the nurse's hand and read a brief history. I should have read the name before I walked in.

"Meredith!" a drunken slob said.

The drunken slob was my estranged father, Thatcher Grey. You know the guy who didn't want me. My first instinct was to flee, but I can't. I'm the doctor in this situation. I at least have to do an examination.

"You killed my wife!" he yelled.

A lump sunk in the back of my throat. I wanted out of here. I needed out of here.

I tried to ask him to calm own so I could examine him, but he kept yelling that I killed his wife.

"You're a lemon you know that! You're not a good doctor, you killed her! You're a murderer! You mother was right; you are just ordinary!" he barked.

With those words said I could feel the tears prick the sides of my eyes. I left the examination area and asked the nurse to get Dr. Spencer in there. He refused to let me examine him.

I ran to the resident lounge and gathered my things without speaking to anyone. I wanted the hell out of that place.

I was nothing but ordinary.

You killed my wife!

You're a lemon.

I actually believed the man. I exited the hospital and headed to my car. I wanted to go to Joe's and drink, but I didn't want talk or see anyone. I decided the next best thing: hit up the liquor store. I needed to drink. Tequila would sooth me.

I drove my car to the gas station down the road from my house. I bought the biggest bottle of tequila I could find. I was going to drown my sorrows.

As soon as I purchased the bottle I got into my car and raced home. I fumbled around with my front door and finally got it open. I let my jacket fall to the ground along with my purse and broke the seal of the tequila.

I sat down on the couch in the living room and took a swig from the bottle. The amber liquid warmed up my stomach.

You killed my wife! I took another swig.

You are nothing but ordinary. My throat burned from the shot I took.

You're a lemon. I gulped down what seemed to be about 3 shots.

I was definitely feeling it. I tried to get up but I lost balance and fell back down on the couch.

I heard the door unlock. It was Derek. He must have gotten done with his surgery fast.

"Meredith?" he said.

"Go Away!" I yelled.

He walked towards where I was sitting. I could hear his shoes against the hardwood floors.

"Meredith?" he said again.

I couldn't look at him. I was a drunken mess, who killed a woman a year ago, was just ordinary, and apparently a lemon.

He sat down next to me.

"You should just go now!" I yelled.

"What the hell did I do?" he threw his hands in the air.

"Nothing! That's it. You are getting married to and ordinary. A lemon!" I screamed. "You don't want to marry me! I'm broken and there is no fixing this!" I yelled ad I took another swig from the bottle.

"I'm not running Meredith! You don't scare me! I am marrying you for who you are! You don't get to abandon me. We're in this remember!" he said taking my bottle of tequila away.

"I think you've had enough" he stated.

"This is what daddy issues do to you!" I sobbed.

"Daddy issues?" he asked.

"My dad came into the ER today. Yelled at me in the curtain examination area. Said I was ordinary and a lemon..and he brought up Susan again. Why the fuck is my family so screwed up!" I sobbed.

Derek wrapped his two arms around me.

"Shhh…it's okay Mer." He tried comforting.

"It's not okay. I'm not okay! I'm a lemon. I'm or…."

He cut me off.

"You are not a lemon. It's not you fault that your family was so awful to you. You Meredith, are anything but ordinary. To me you are extraordinary. You don't need your family. I'm the only family you need. This is forever" he said stroking my hair.

I was curled up in a ball in his chest. He stroked my back. I tried to let up my tears and I wiped the ones on my face with my arm. I looked up at him and smiled. He brushed away all the hair that was stuck to my cheeks.

"You are anything but ordinary" he reassured me.

I gave him a weak smile. He knew what to say at all the right moments. I gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

"Come on Mer, it's late" he stated.

I went to stand up but fell back down on the couch. I was feeling dizzy and week. Between the tequila and the full on sobbing, I didn't know which one it was.

He gave me a sympathetic smile and reached down and scooped me into his arms. He gave me a quick peck on my cheek. He carried me up the stairs and I just nuzzled into his chest. He smelled good. It made me realize in that moment he was what I need. The only thing I need. I just need Derek. He's my family.


	14. Family isn't DNA

Thanks for the reviews! Means a lot. This chapter will be continuation from Merideth's point of view. It just seemed more fitting. **Please Read and Review** like always. Thanks –Alicia.

_Mmm, mmm, mmm_

_I believe in memories_  
_They look so, so pretty when I sleep_  
_Hey now, and when I wake up,_  
_You look so pretty sleeping next to me_  
_But there is not enough time,_  
_And there is no, no song I could sing_  
_And there is no combination of words I could say_  
_But I will still tell you one thing_  
_We're better together._

I remember why tequila isn't as fun to wake up to. My head was pounding and the sun peeking through the window was blinding. A wave of nausea hit me. I got up as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom.

I leaned over the porcelain toilet and could feel my stomach muscles tighten. The bile began to rise in my throat and that was my cue to start emptying the contents from last night. Tears were pricking my eyes. I hated puking. Worst feeling in the world.

I felt a hand on my back rubbing slow circular motions on my back. I continued to empty until I had nothing left. I leaned back and collapsed into the arms of Derek. The bathroom tile was cool against my back. He just held me and I began to cry.

"Shhhh… it's okat Mer" he whispered.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry" I sobbed.

"I know" he mumbled and kissed the top of my head.

He held me for a few more minutes and helped me up. He helped get me back into bed and got me a glass of water and some ibuprofen.

"Take these and sleep for another hour" he said bending down stroking my hair.

I did as he said and put three pills in my mouth. I took the water up to my lips and took a sip.

"Love you" I whispered.

He bent down and kissed my temple.

"I love you too" he whispered into my ear.

I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes. This damn hangover needed to go away.

Derek nudged my shoulder. I looked at the clock and it was 6 a.m.

I groaned.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like I drank a bunch of tequila and then a truck hit me" I moaned.

Derek gave me a sympathetic smile.

"We have to get ready for work, don't we?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, yes" he said.

I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were blood shot. My hair was all over the place and my breath smelled like the intoxicating smell of tequila and vomit. I walked over to the shower and turned up the warm water. Somehow a shower always makes me feel better. I stepped in and the warm water met my bare skin. I sat there and just let the water wash away all my troubles. I snapped out of my daze and washed my hair quickly and stepped out of the shower.

I wasn't going to dry my hair. No time. I tied my wet hair up into a ponytail. I brushed my teeth thoroughly and used about a gallon of mouth wash. I walked out and threw on Derek's sweatpants and my ratty Dartmouth t-shirt. I didn't care. I was going to put on scrubs at work anyways. I threw on my converse and headed downstairs.

I rounded the corner into the kitchen and Derek was reading the newspaper. He looked up from the paper and smiled.

"Morning. Are you hungry?" he asked.

I gave him a small laugh. "No" I said.

He walked over to the coffee pot and poured two large travel mugs.

"Here, this should help" he smiled handing me the mug.

"Thanks" I said.

I took a sip of the warm liquid. It was delicious. He made the best coffee.

I looked up at Derek. "I'm so sorry for last night. I cant apologize enough" I sincerely said.

He came over and hugged me.

"It's okay. You can be dark and twisty sometimes. Its not everyday your estranged father comes into the ER" he joked.

I giggled.

"Besides I can be dark and twisty once in awhile." He smiled.

I laughed. "You dark and twisty? Please Mr. Happy Go-Lucky."

He laughed and gave me a quick kiss on my lips.

"We should get going" he said.

"Yeah" I said.

He grabbed his keys and briefcase and put his arm around me.

The ride to the hospital was silent. I just held his hand.

We walked across the parking lot of the hospital and entered the main entrance.

"I've got a meeting. I'll see you later" he bent down and kissed me.

I smiled and walked towards the residents lounge.

I walked in and I could hear sniffles. Lexie was sitting on the bench. I walked in and put my stuff in my cubbie. I looked over and her eyes were puffy like she had been crying for a while. I walked over to the bench and sat next to her. I put my arm around her.

The silence was finally broken.

"Dad is dying," she said.

Well no shit I thought. He only drank a bottle of whiskey a day.

I gave her a sympathetic smile and held her for a little bit.

"I know he wasn't your family or anything, but he was a good dad to me," she sniffled.

"I know," I whispered. "Are you going to be okay? I start my shift soon." I said.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Thanks" she smiled wiping away her tears.

I walked out of the lounge and headed towards the surgical wing. My mother was dead and my father was dying. Honestly I'm okay with it. They were never really family anyways. They were my DNA, but not my family. My family was Derek, Christina, and even Lexie. They have been there for me more than my blood family.

I walked past my father's room and didn't bother to look. He wasn't my family and I sure as hell didn't care. My family was in a meeting. My family was trolling for surgeries. My family was crying about her dying father. I didn't need anyone else. I love my family and they are there when I need them most, even when I have the dark and twistys.


	15. Dreams

All right. New song: Somewhere Only We Know- Keane. Loved the reviews I got from the last chapter. Keep them coming. Read and Review Please-Alicia.

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_I walked across an empty land_  
_I knew the pathway like the back of my hand_  
_I felt the earth beneath my feet_  
_Sat by the river and it made me complete_  
_Oh simple thing where have you gone?_  
_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_  
_So tell me when you're gonna let me in_  
_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

_I came across a fallen tree_  
_I felt the branches of it looking at me_  
_Is this the place we used to love?_  
_Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?_

The brain is the most interesting organ in the human body. At least to me it is. There are four lobes: frontal, parietal, occipital, and temporal, each of the in charge of a sensory or motor function. The human brain is strange in the way that some things are unknown. We don't know why it does what it does sometimes. It's a mystery. The dreams you have are almost like unconscious hallucinations. Except my dreams aren't hallucinations, my dreams are real. Most of my dreams have come true.

_I went to college NYC._ **Check**

_I went to med school at Columbia._**Check**

_Did my internship and residency in New York. _**Check**

_Moved to Seattle and became head of Neuro. _**Check**

_Bought a piece of land I love. _**Check**

_Met the love of my life._ **Check**

_Got engaged to Meredith._ **Check**

_Spending the rest of my life with her._ **Check**

Something from my dream list was missing though. I want to build a house. I want to build a house with Meredith. A place where we could share together, raise our kids, and grow old in. A dream house.

I had hired an architect weeks ago to draw up several plans. He called me during my surgery and left me a message. My plans were ready. This was definitely a step into the future.

I walked out of my office down to the lobby. He was going to meet me there. I arrived at the nurse's station and asked if there was a guy waiting for me. She said no but handed me 3 different tubes. I smiled and thanked her.

I walked towards my office and on the way saw Mark.

"Hey Mark are you busy?" I asked.

"Nope. I'm about to go to lunch. Wanna grab a bite?" he asked.

"Can I show you something in my office?" I asked.

"Uhm yeah sure"

He followed closely behind me.

I opened the tubes and place all three houses side by side.

"What do you think?" I asked.

"House plans? You and Meredith already have a house" he joked.

"It's actually her mom's house. If we built a house it would be our house" I smiled.

"You are head over heels in love, aren't you?" he joked.

"You have no idea" I smirked.

"Congrats man, I'm happy for you!" Mark genuinely said.

"Thanks. While I'm thinking about it I'm going to officially ask you to be my best man, again" I said.

"I would be honored. I won't sleep with this one. Scouts honor" he said pulling me into a quick hug.

"If you sleep with this one I will kill you then move out of the country!" I joked.

Mark laughed as he walked out of my office. I rolled the plans back into the original tubes. I was going to shoe Meredith these tonight. She already said yes to marriage, now I was going to show her the life we would build.

I took the plans with me and walked through the hospital hoping not to run into Meredith. I checked the OR board as I passed. She was doing an intestine resection with Bailey that started at 4pm. I would have at least three more hours before she got back to the house. I walked out of the hospital and headed back to our house. A house that I hoped wasn't in our future much longer.

I arrived 'home' and Logan greeted me. I petted the dog and put the plans up in our closet. I went back downstairs and ordered from the Italian place we loved so much. I put in an order for chicken parmesan, salad, and some of the bread sticks she loved so much. Perfect.

I proceeded to the kitchen table and laid out two plates and some silverware. I went into the dining room and looked in the hutch. I found candles and a lighter. I proceeded back to the kitchen and too the candles and set them on the table and counter. I lit them and dimmed the lights. Romantic.

The doorbell rang. Our food was here. I grabbed my wallet and went to the door. A man greeted me and handed me our food. I gave him 40 bucks and he was on his way. I put the food inside the oven and kept it on warm.

I then went upstairs to change. I grabbed my red button up shirt. When in doubt where it because she loves me in it. I put on a dark pair of jeans and slid on some loafers. I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair to the way she loved it. I brushed my teeth and gargled with mouthwash. I was looking studly.

I went back downstairs only to see Meredith resting on the couch with Logan. I came down the stairs and she was sprawled out.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"Starving!" she jumped up.

" I have dinner ready in the kitchen if your interested" I smiled.

"It's food, of course I am!" she laughed.

We walked into the kitchen together. I looked over and she was just looking around.

"It smells good in here. What's with the candles? Shit did I forget and important date..I'm" she rambled.

I cut her off like always.

"You didn't forget anything. I just have some stuff I would like to discuss with you" I smiled.

"Okay" she said nervously.

I gave her a reassuring smile and then pulled dinner out of the oven and set it on the kitchen table. Logan was laying underneath the table sleeping.

"You got food from our place?" she smiled.

"I did" I kissed her on the cheek.

Meredith dove right in. She acted like she hadn't eaten in days. Which was okay because it was rather cute. Dinner was rather silent because she was eating so fast. That was okay though, I had plans.

Meredith got up and put her dish in the sink and I followed behind.

"Thanks for dinner" she leaned in giving me a soft kiss. Like we would do it for the rest of our lives.

I grabbed her hand.

"Let's go upstairs. I have something to show you" I smiled.

I led Meredith up the stairs into the bedroom. She sat on the bed and Logan jumped up with her, while I went into the closet to get the plans. She sat there fidgeting with her hair. She did that when she was nervous.

"All right. So all my life I've had dreams that have come true. I went to college, then to med school, did my residency in New York, moved to Seattle to become head of Neuro Surgery, bought my land, met you, and became engaged to you. All my dreams have come true, except for one. I want to build a house with you. You built me a house of candles on the land. That is our spot. I want to start our lives there, raise kids, and grow old with you in our dream house. I want all these things with you because I love you" I smiled at her.

She just sat there. He mouth was open. She seemed shocked.

"Meredith?" I prompted.

"Let's see the plans" she smiled.

I showed her the plans and her eyes lit up.

"Derek, they're beautiful" she exclaimed.

She leaned against my chest.

"Of course, lets build our dream house." She said giving me a long sensual kiss.

She let up and I smiled and looked into her eyes.

"Lets build our life together" I smiled kissing her again.

Meredith and I were building a house. We we're going to live there, raise kids, and grow old. I couldn't wait. My dream was finally coming true. That is until I have kids with this woman. Then all my dreams will have come true.


	16. Death and Sisters

All right. That season finale almost killed me. Why Shonda, why? I guess if love were enough. Anyways I'm going to forget about the finale hopefully all summer until grey's returns in September. Anyways read and review. I'm pretty depressed about the season finale. Reviews would make me feel better!

PS: This chapter is very Lexie and Meredith centric!

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_Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_  
_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_  
_This could be the end of everything_  
_So why don't we go_  
_Somewhere only we know?_

Derek and I were building a house. Not only was it just a house. It was OUR house. I'm kind of freaking out a little bit. I need to find my person. She'll know what to say.

I rounded the nurse's station to the resident's lounge. I paged Christina 911. She would probably be pissed, but I help her with so many damn problems. I began putting on my scrubs. This was going to be a long shift. I tied my hair back into a bun and sat down on the bench. The door flew open. It was Christina.

"Sorry about your dad!" she blurted.

"What?" I asked.

"You don't know?" she asked puzzled.

"Know what? That he is an alcoholic who thinks I'm an ordinary and a lemon? Yeah I knew that" I scolded.

Christina came and sat down on the bench next to me and but her hand on my shoulder.

"Your dad is dead "she stated.

I sat in silence for a moment. He wasn't my dad and he wasn't my father. He was nothing more than a sperm donor and my mom was an egg donor. I was the one who took care of myself. I am the one who picked up the pieces. Christina and Derek were the ones who glued me back together. The man may have given me DNA, but he wasn't my family.

"How is Lexie?" I asked.

"She's keeping herself busy. Trying to keep her mind off it. I think she is down in the pit if you want to go talk to her" she said standing up.

"Thanks" I said.

"Why did you page me 911?"she questioned.

"Derek and I are building a house, not that it matters right now" I said looking down.

Christina came in and gave me a side hug. I smiled at her.

"You know you're my maid of honor, right?" I laughed.

"Yeah, I'm your person. Hell who else would it be, Alex?" she laughed.

I laughed along with her.

"I'm going to go check on Lexie" I said.

"Joes tonight?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll be there" I smiled.

I walked out of the lounge and down to the pit. Lexie was at the desk filling out some charts.

"Lexie?"

She looked up at me. Her eyes looked glossed over. She looked exhausted.

I came over and gave her a side hug.

"Severe cirrhosis of the liver!" she cried.

"It will be okay, I promise" I soothed her.

She tightened her grip on me.

"Thanks" she whimpered.

"He wasn't a very good dad to me, but I can see he meant a lot to you. Do you need somewhere to stay for a little bit. I have an open room since Izzie and Alex moved out" I offered.

I can't believe I just offered her a room. This was too sisterly.

"You really mean it?" She looked up.

"Yeah, isn't that what family is for. I've never had a real one, but you are my family Lexie" I gave her a weak smiled and walked away.

I headed back to the surgery wing and saw Derek.

"Hey" I greeted.

He looked up from his charts.

"Hey" he smiled. "What's up?" he said kissing my cheek.

"Estranged daddy is dead." I blurted.

He gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I am, but Lexie isn't. I offered to let her stay with us for a little bit" I said looking away.

He came over and pulled me into an embrace.

"That was very family like of you to do" he whispered in my ear.

I giggled.

"Yeah, the new Meredith Grey is more family-ish!" I proudly stated.

"Family-ish?" he stated.

"Shut up!" I pushed his arm playfully.

15 hours later and I was off my shift. I got off before Derek and headed home by myself. I sighed as I watched the road in front of me. My dad was dead but I finally have a real family. Derek, Christina and Lexie were my main family. Izzie, George and Alex were too. It sucks having opposite shifts from those guys. I miss them.

I pulled into my driveway and turned off the ignition. I grabbed my bags and unlocked the front door. I was exhausted. I dropped my bags on the floor and headed into the kitchen to get a carton of strawberry ice cream and a spoon. I plopped on the couch in the living room and clicked on the t.v. Logan came and snuggled right next to me.

The doorbell rang.

Who the hell could that be I thought?

I looked through the window on the door and Lexie was standing there with a couple of suitcases. I smiled and let her in.

"Hey" she said.

"Glad you took my offer" I smiled grabbing a suitcase. "Welcome home!" I said giving her a hug.

She gave me a smile back and I helped her with her luggage to Alex's old room.

This was a big step for me. Letting my half sister move in. I was okay with it though.

"Do you want to come downstairs and eat ice cream with me?" I asked her.

"Sure" she half smiled.

I got two bowls out of the kitchen and watched as she stood there. I scooped big a heaving for her and one for me. We proceeded to the couch where Logan was sleeping.

Lexie sat on the ground and I curled up next to Logan.

For the first time in my life I knew what sisterly bonding was. I had a biological sister and it was amazing. I smiled at the thought. the freaking about the house didn't matter now. I have a family; I have everything that I've always wanted.


	17. Simple Thing, Where Have You Gone?

I'm still depressed about the season finale. **Please read and review.**_  
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_Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_  
_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_  
_This could be the end of everything_  
_So why don't we go_  
_So why don't we go_

I had an exhausting day. I had four surgeries scheduled for the day plus an extra two more craniotomies for some car accident victims. I was tired to say the least and I had another shift starting in two hours. I headed to the nearest on call room in hopes of taking a nap before my next shift. I proceeded into the dark room and found an open bed. I must of made a lot of noise taking my jacket and shoes because the person on the top bunk above me started to stir.

I closed the door to the room so the light wouldn't peak in.

"Derek?" I heard a voice moan.

"Meredith?" I asked. "What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"Got called in four hours ago for an incoming trauma and now I'm sleeping because I start a shift in two hours." She grumbled.

I climbed to the top of the bunk and nuzzled in next to her.

"I had an exhausting six surgeries and I have another shift in two hours" I said kissing her neck.

She sighed and I closed my eyes. I loved cuddling with Meredith. I have a hard time sleeping when I'm not with her. When I chose Addison I couldn't sleep for months. It wasn't the guilt keeping me up; it was just not being able to sleep in the same bed as Meredith was painful. Her smell soothes me. The way she cuddles against my body, even the way she snores if comforting to me. When she isn't with me I don't sleep. I'm glad she was in this on call room.

I felt a vibrating against my waist and then the beeping went off. It was my damn pager. I rolled over and Meredith was already gone. I looked at my pager. 911. Crap I need to get up.

I scurried to put on my shoes and I headed out the door struggling to put my lab coat around myself. I ran fast to room 807. I was in the oncology unit. This meant brain tumors or a spinal tumors.

I opened up the door and couldn't believe my eyes. Izzie Stevens was hooked up to monitors. Did Izzie Stevens have cancer? As I observed the room closer Meredith was on one side of the bed holding Izzie's hand looking down. Christina was sitting in a chair just staring. George was just standing awkwardly, Karev looked like he hasd seen a ghost, and Bailey looked like she was about to cry. Izzie on the other hand was smiling, like she normally does. She seemed very Izzie like.

"Patient?" I called out.

Miranda cleared her throat and proceded to brief me. "Izzie Stevens. 29. In for a tumor resection. Has stage IV melanoma with mets that have spread to her liver, kidneys, and brain."

I stood there for a second. This couldn't be! Izzie Steven has cancer. I had to operate on her. I looked over at Meredith and she looked like she was about to cry. I gave her a sympathetic glare. She didn't need to lose a friend. She just lost her estranged father not to long ago. She couldn't afford another loss.

I proceeded out the door and several of the residents followed close behind. I was grabbed by the shoulder. It was Meredith. I pulled her into an embrace.

"You can do this right? You can get the tumor. I believe in you" she said into my ear.

She believed in me.

"I will do everything in my power to rid Izzie of cancer. I promise" I said kissing the top of her head.

I turned and walked away.

"Meredith" I yelled.

She turned around and looked at me.

"Have Izzie prepped and ready for surgery, lets do this." I smiled.

She smiled in return.

Fuck. I was nervous, but Izzie deserves a chance to live. Meredith deserves a happy story.

It was 8:00 and it was surgery time. They began to roll Izzie back. Alex was holding her hand tight. He was trying not to break. We reached the point where Alex had to say goodbye. He kissed her passionately while I watched. They really did care for each other. They broke the kiss and Alex stared me down.

"You better not mess this up Shep" he said sternly.

I nodded and proceeded into the OR to scrub in. The OR crew put Izzie on the table and I walked over to say a few words before surgery.

"Hey" I said.

She just looked at me. "If I die, tell Alex I love him. Tell him he doesn't have to be alone and he is a noble man and"

I cut her off. "No one is dying today, you understand me?" I smiled.

She smiled back at me. "Okay, I'm ready"

I gave the anesthesiologist a nod and looked over to the scrub nurse. I watched as Izzie closed her eyes. She was under.

I was nervous. This was Stevens after all. I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I cracked my knuckles. I was okay. I was ready.

"Scapel" I firmly stated.

I put the scapel up to her skull.

"It's a beautiful night to save lives, let's have some fun" I said cutting into skin covering the skull.


	18. Before It's Too Late

All right, we're getting closer to MerDer getting married! Yay! Please Read and Review. I might be inclined to put up part II soon.

* * *

_This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go  
Somewhere only we know?  
Somewhere only we know_

_This could be the end of everything,_  
_So why don't we go,_  
_Somewhere only we know,_  
_Somewhere only we know,_  
_Somewhere only we know._

Derek was operating one of my good friends brains. I have watched hundreds of his surgeries, but this one was more personal. If he damaged her brain in anyway, I don't know if Alex would ever look at me the same way again. I gripped onto the chair in front of me in the OR viewing area. I know it's a little weird watching one of your friends have surgery, but it wasn't for Izzie, it was more for Derek. I would be there for him no matter how this went.

I was the only one in the gallery. Christina had a cardio case. George was probably moping around somewhere and Alex, I had no idea where he was. Bailey was down in the OR holding Izzie's hand. We were her babies. It was cute in a little way.

I wasn't really paying attention to the surgery. I was more of reflecting. Izzie and Alex really loved each other. They might even have the kind of love Derek and I share for each other. Seeing Izzie there on the table made me bow my head and pray. I'm not religious or spiritual by any means, but if there is a god, god should protect Izzie. She's a good person. She deserves her happily ever after.

It made me realize in that second. Life changes in an instant. You should be with the people you love, and tell them you love them while you still can. I glared down at Derek. He was working diligently to save a life. It made me realize that I don't want to spend another minute not married to this man. I wanted to be with him, forever.

Machines started going off down in the OR. I jolted up quickly and got close to the window. Izzie was fucking flat lining! No this can't be. I watched as the OR scrambled around getting ready to take necessary measures. Derek grabbed the paddles. I knew the motion all to well.

Bailey let go of Izzie's hand. CLEAR! The shock was sent through her body. Still no response. I watched in horror as my fiancé tried to save one of my friends, one of my family members.

Izzie had only told me she had cancer yesterday. It was the first time I had actually seen her in weeks. I missed her. She may be annoying sometimes, but she was my family. Nobody knew she had cancer except for Alex and Christina. Christina was the one who talked her into surgery. She only has a 5% chance of surviving, but if anyone could, it would be Izzie.

I looked back down and Derek charged again. There was the jolting and there was a rhythm.

Thank you was all I could think. Thank you higher being for looking over her.

I ran out of the gallery and down to the scrub room. I wanted to be there when Derek finished the surgery. I sat down against the cool tile floor and all I could here was the sound of the machines beeping in a normal rhythm. I closed my eyes and sighed. She was going to be okay, she needs to be okay.

About an hour later surgery was over with. The surgery was a success. Izzie survived her first operation. Several other residents walked in along with Bailey.

I gave her a small smirk and she gave me a sigh of relief. Derek was the last one into the room. He looked exhausted, but how could I not tell him?

"Derek" I said.

He looked over at me with those blue eyes. My heart melted. I went over to him and placed my hands on each of his cheeks. I gave him a soft kiss. I looked into his eyes and just stared.

"How can I not tell you. I love you. I love you beyond what my words can describe. I don't want to spend another minute not being married to you. Derek Shepherd you are it for me" I breathlessly said.

He smiled at me and ran his hands through my hair.

"Will you do me the pleasure of going to city hall with me?" he smiled.

"Let's get married" I said kissing him softly once again.

He scrubbed out and dried his hands. He opened the door.

"After you, soon to be Mrs. Shepherd" he smiled.

I looked back and smiled at him. He took my hand and walked me back to the residents lounge.

"I'm going to go to my office to get my stuff, we'll run home and get dressed, then we'll soon be married" he whispered into my office.

"I'll be waiting for you" I gleamed.

I couldn't stop smiling. I was really getting married. Like freaking today. My heart fluttered at the thought.

"What the hell has you a mushy?" Christina snarled.

"I'm getting married today" I smiled wide at her.

"Like today, today?" she asked.

"Yeah" I said breathlessly.

"Does this constitute hugging?" she smirked.

"Only if you want it to," I laughed.

My person fully embraced me. She gave me a squeeze.

"I'm very proud of you. This is very adult" She said gripping both my shoulders and looking at me in the eyes.

"I'm proud of me too?" I shrugged.

"Do you want me to be there? I'm off my shift now" she asked.

"Of course you can be there! You're my person, remember? I love you Christina Yang" I smirked.

She looked away, blushed, and then laughed. "I'll meet you at your house in twenty?" she questioned.

"Sounds good," I said.

I sat back down on the bench and put on my flats. I was getting freaking married today! It's always good to tell the people around you that you love them, while you still have the chance.


	19. Crush

Song is Crush by the Dave Matthews Band. **Please read and review**. I would love reviews a lot!

* * *

_Crazy how it feels tonight  
Crazy how you make it all alright love  
You crush me with the things you do  
I do for you anything too  
Sitting, smoking, feeling high  
In this moment it feels so right  
Lovely lady  
I am at your feet  
God I want you so badly  
I wonder this  
Could tomorrow be  
So wondrous as you there sleeping  
Let's go drive 'til morning comes  
Watch the sunrise  
To fill our souls up  
Drink some wine 'til we get drunk  
It's crazy I'm thinking  
Just knowing that the world is round  
Here I'm dancing on the ground  
Am I right side up or upside down  
Is this real or am I dreaming  
Lovely lady  
Let me drink you please  
I won't spill a drop, I promise you  
Lying under this spell you cast on me  
Each moment  
The more I love you  
Crush me  
Come on  
It's crazy I'm thinking  
Just knowing that the world is round  
Here I'm dancing on the ground  
Am I right side up or upside down  
Is it real or am I dreaming  
Lovely lady I will treat you sweetly  
Adore you  
I mean  
You crush me  
It's times like these  
When my faith I feel  
And I know  
How I love you  
Come on  
Lady  
It's crazy I'm thinking  
Just as long as you're around  
And here I'll be dancing on the ground  
Am I right side up or upside down  
To each other we'll be facing  
By love we'll beat back the pain  
we've found  
You know  
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside  
My friend  
With each moment the more I love you  
Crush me  
Come on  
Lady  
So much you have given love  
That I would give you back  
Again and again  
Meaning I'll hold you  
And please  
Let me always_

I looked in the mirror as I knotted my tie. My black suit coat was hanging on the back of the chair. I grabbed in and slid it on adjusting my red shirt underneath. Yes, the red shirt from the bar. I took a look at my hair and adjusted it a bit. Perfect. I sat down on the chair and sighed. We were really doing this. Today my life with Meredith Grey continues. I felt a stern hand on the back of my shoulder.

"You ready, man?" Mark asked.

I just smiled at the thought. Meredith would be my wide in less than twenty minutes.

"I'm more than ready" I smiled.

We proceeded to the car. The ride to the courthouse was rather silent. I was bursting at the seams. I couldn't wait.

I looked down at my watch as we pulled into the parking lot. Our appointment was in ten minutes. Mark found a spot. As we walked up to the courthouse I saw Christina's car. She was ready. We were really doing this.

Both of us entered the historic building. We made our way to the second floor. We walked around the corner to the door that said: Marriage licensing. This was it. I was getting married.

I opened the door and there sat Christina and Meredith on the bench. Meredith looked stunning. She was wearing that black dress with the slit from the first time we met. He hair was down and her waves flowed free. She had just enough makeup on to really accent her natural beauty. She literally took my breath away. I hate clichés, but honestly she did. I am the luckiest man alive.

She looked up from the bench and smiled at me. I let her hook her arm through mine as we approached the secretary.

"We're here for our two-o'clock" I said.

"Grey-Shepherd wedding. Office number one" the secretary said.

We walked through the doors and there sat a judge.

He looked up at us both. He looked like he was ready to get out of there.

Mark stood to my right and Christina stood to Meredith's left as we faced the judge.

The secretary walked in and handed the judge the necessary forms.

"Grey-Shepherd wedding, let's proceed." He said agitated.

"We are here today to join Meredith Grey and Derek Christopher Shepherd in holy matrimony. If anyone objects please step forward now, or forever hold you peace". Meredith turned to Christina and I turned to Mark. He gave me a nod and the nuptials continued.

"Do you have any vows?" he asked.

I looked over at Meredith and she looked at me. I nodded.

I took Meredith's hands. She looked into my eyes like nothing could break us apart.

"Meredith, you are the love of my life. I knew that from the very first moment I met you. I know things got complicated the past couple years, but just let me say this: There is no one else for me. You're it. When you built me the house of candles that's how I knew you were it for me. I love you Meredith Grey, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" I choked out.

She looked at me with those piercing green eyes. Her beauty was radiating.

The judge motioned over to her and now it was her turn to confess her love for me.

"Ever since I was a little kid, I never believe in fairytales. I believed in fate. Derek, you are my fate. You were the one to save me from drowning, literally, and figuratively. No words can really express how much you mean to me. You are my family Derek, I love you. I believe that I should say that as many times, while I still can. I love you to the moon and back. You Derek, are my knight in shinning whatever" she smiled.

I think I saw a tear roll down Yang's face, but I won't say anything. I know she's Meredith's person and she truly cares for her.

"Do we have any rings?" the judge asked.

Meredith looked surprised. She had looked like she was about to throw up. Shit, I forgot about rings too. That's when Mark came to the rescue. He pulled two boxes out of his suit coat/ He had my mother's engagement ring and another simple silver band for me. It looked like it was my fathers old ring. I mouthed him a Thank you and he gave me nod in return.

I handed the silver band to Meredith and we exchanged rings without looking down at each other's hands. I could really feel I that moment the love we shared.

"By the power invested in me and the State of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

I shook my head and leaded in for a kiss. She let her tongue into my mouth and I accepted. We made the kiss quick, but it was one I would never forget. She looked up at me breathlessly and smiled.

"Married" I whispered.

"Married" she whispered back.

All four of us proceeded out of the office and Meredith and I inked our names on a marriage certificate.

I looked down at her signature.

"Meredith Shepherd-Grey?" I asked. "You don't have to change your name for me" I stated.

She looked up at me. "But I wanted to. You are my family. I'll probably still go by just Grey at work, but I want to be a Shepherd too." She smiled.

I smiled at her a kissed her lips softly. Our hands intertwined and we were on our way home, as husband and wife.


	20. Chasing Cars

Song is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Please Read and Review._  
_

* * *

_We'll do it all_  
_Everything_  
_On our own_

_We don't need_  
_Anything_  
_Or anyone_

_If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_I don't quite know_  
_How to say_  
_How I feel_

_Those three words_  
_Are said too much_  
_They're not enough_

_If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told_  
_Before we get too old_  
_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

_Let's waste time_  
_Chasing cars_  
_Around our heads_

_I need your grace_  
_To remind me_  
_To find my own_

_If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_  
_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we're told_  
_Before we get too old_  
_Show me a garden that's bursting into life_

_All that I am_  
_All that I ever was_  
_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see_

_I don't know where_  
_Confused about how as well_  
_Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

_If I lay here_  
_If I just lay here_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Married. I was married to Derek Christopher Shepherd. There was nothing in the world that could make me happier. I laid in bed and examined the ring Derek had exchanged with me earlier in the afternoon. It was a beautiful silver ring with a 2-carrot diamond. I'm not a ring person though. I got out of bed and dug through my dresser. I had a silver chain…somewhere.

Derek was downstairs finishing off a beer with Mark. Christina left about a half hour ago. After I married Derek today, she decided she needed to say I love you to Owen while she still could. We were growing up. Dark and twisty Christina and Meredith still existed, now we just had love in our life.

After digging through my underwear drawer I found the chain sprawled in the back corner. I took the chain out and untwisted it. This chain would be perfect. I slid the ring off my finger and onto the chain. Closer to my heart where it belonged.

I closed the dresser drawer and then opened it back up. I was going to be wearing something sexy for Derek when he came up. I grabbed my matching black lingerie from my dresser and changed out of my jeans and red V-neck. Perfect. I went back and sprawled back in bed. I adjusted myself into an inviting position. Now it was just time to wait.

For the first time ever we would sleep (not so much) in this bed as husband and wife. I couldn't wait what out lives had in store for us. I was rudely awakened from my daydreaming from my pager.

Crap. **911**. Doesn't anyone know I just got married today? I guess not. It was kind of spur of the moment.

I quickly dressed back into my jeans and black V-neck. I dug in my closet and found my black Converse. I zipped down the stairs.

"Did you get paged?" Derek asked.

"Yeah" I said breathlessly.

"So did Mark and I. We can drive together. It would be like out honeymoon" he winked.

"Hey! No kinky stuff in the car guys. I don't want to see that" Mark joked.

Derek threw on a gray sweater and put on a pair of tennis shoes. He grabbed my hand and we were on our way out.

When we arrived at the hospital I was greeted by Owen.

"Grey, Shepherd, We have a trauma coming in! I need all hands on deck" he ordered.

Derek and I rushed in and put on our scrubs. I saw Christina in the locker room.

"Were you paged?" I asked.

"Yeah, I haven't got to tell him yet" she sounded defeated.

"You will. It may just happen tonight" giving her a weak smile.

I ran out of the locker room and met Derek, Bailey, Owen, Mark, Callie and the Chief in the trauma bay. Christina came up shortly after I did.

The flashing lights and sirens got closer. The ambulance came to a screeching stop. Paramedics busted out of the back of the rig.

"Male in late 20's. Hit by a bus. Major Injuries to the chest, abdominal, and lower limb region. BP was too low to register on the monitor" the paramedic stated.

"Trauma 2! Let's go people" Owen ordered.

I ran through the hospital with the rest of the doctors. This guy was in bad shape. I would be surprised if he made it through the night.

Callie needed to operate first to stabilize the femur fracture and then Bailey would go in to stop the bleeding. Derek needed to drill some burrow holes to relieve the pressure and Owen needed to assess for more injuries.

Christina used the ultrasound to examine the thoracic region.

"Shit he has a pericardial bleed! Page Altman!" she barked.

Everyone was running around like a chicken with their head cut off. The Chief left the room to prep an OR.

I held the guys hand. He needed some support in this time.

"I know this is scary, but you are in the best hands. We will take care of you" I tried to reassure him.

His eyes smiled at me for a second and then they were closed.

"He's crashing! Let's move to an OR people!" Owen yelled.

We wheeled him to the OR. I sat and watched from the gallery. Only necessary hands were needed.

I felt a shadow from behind me. I looked behind and it was a blonde girl with short hair. Her arm was in a sling.

"You can't be up here. You aren't authorized to be here" I stated.

"That man saved my life!" she cried.

Still you can't be up here.

"You know when you meet someone and you can't get them out of your mind? He's my prince. He pushed me out of the way of a bus. He didn't even know me and I didn't even acknowledge him. I was too busy looking for someone hotter. He's is someone I want to know, I need to know" she sobbed.

I gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Why don't you go to the waiting room and I'll give you an update and let you know when he is in recovery." I said.

She smiled and I escorted her down the hallway.

Six hours later and the man was stabilized but in critical condition. No one knew if he would survive the night. I sat at his bedside and monitored his vitals. I looked up and the man's eyes were open. They looked familiar.

He tried to motion to me. I think he wanted to write. I held out a notepad and pen, but he was too weak to write. Instead I held out my hand and he tried to write in my hand.

" O O 7?" I questioned.

He tried again.

"007?" I questioned again.

He nodded and squeezed my hand.

Then it clicked. I started to panic.

"Oh God! Oh my God!"my breathing became shallow.

"Oh, God!" was all I could spit out.

I ran out of the room and down the corridor.

"It's George, It's George!" I kept yelling as I ran.

Derek, Christina, Altman, Bailey, Owen, and the Chief looked at me as I was yelling.

"John Doe is George!" I screamed.

It took them a second to process and then they ran with me to his room. Nurses were in there. He was coding.

In that second I bowed my head and prayed for the second time in my life. I was truly blessed having my family, but I couldn't afford to lose a member. George was one of my best friends. They were wheeling him back to the OR. The fate of his life was in the hands of God.


	21. If I Die Young

Got another chapter up for tonight. Sorry for the sadness. We'll get happy again, I promise. **Please Read and Review. Tell me where you would like this story to go. Suggestions always help! **_Song: It I Die Young- the band perry**  
**_

* * *

_If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a, bed of roses  
Sink me in the river, at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song_

_Uh oh, uh oh_

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_  
_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well_  
_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no_  
_Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_  
_I've had just enough time_

_If I die young, bury me in satin_  
_Lay me down on a bed of roses_  
_Sink me in the river at dawn_  
_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_  
_I've had just enough time_

_And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom_  
_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,_  
_I've never known the lovin' of a man_  
_But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,_  
_There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,_  
_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well,_  
_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_  
_What I never did is done_

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar_  
_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner_  
_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'_  
_Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'_

_If I die young, bury me in satin_  
_Lay me down on a bed of roses_  
_Sink me in the river at dawn_  
_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_Uh oh (uh, oh)_  
_The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)_  
_Go with peace and love_  
_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket_  
_Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_  
_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

* * *

As a surgeon it is you job to try and save lives. You become inventive and creative in situations where it is needed. Being a surgeon is a lot like an artist, but when you mess up you can't start again on a blank canvas, you have to keep going. You do everything until there is nothing left you can do. The moment when you have to call time of death is one of the worst moments there is. Even worse than that is telling the family.

Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of that news before. When I was ten, my father was shot right in front of me for his watch. I sat there with my hands in his chest keeping him from bleeding out. My sister Amelia was also there with us, watching the blood pool to the ground. The ambulance came to late. My mother, sisters, and I watched as they tried to work on him. I watched the trauma team call time of death. I know the feeling all too well.

I did my best to work on O'Malley. The extents of his injuries were too severe in order to save him. His brain swelled faster than I could work on it. I slammed my goggles down on the floor, as I was defeated. O'Malley was a good man. He was a good man who didn't deserve to end up like this. He was brain dead, meaning no brain wave activity what so ever.

I sighed as I walked to the scrub room. I needed to tell Meredith and her friends before word got out.

I started scrubbing out and I felt a stern hand on my shoulder. It wad Richard.

"He was a good man, a good doctor" he sighed.

I just gave him a nod and a weak smile in return.

"Yeah, he was one of the good ones" I said barely audible.

I dried my hands and opened the door to the hallway. I sighed as entered the hallway. I hated being the bearer of bad news.

I entered the lobby and saw no signs of family or Meredith. Then it clicked. I knew where they would be. I took the elevator up to oncology. I glanced into Izzie's room and there I saw the four of them.

Alex was laying in bed next to Izzie. Christina was looking through a magazine and Meredith was just blankly staring ahead.

I put my hand on the door knob and sighed. I twisted it open and the spotlight was on me.

"How is he?" Izzie asked.

I gulped and gave them a sympathetic look.

"We tried everything in our power to save his life. The extents of his injuries were too great. His brain was swelling faster than I could handle. He's brain dead." I said in a doctoral toned.

Izzie just looked at me with wide eyes. Christina got up and left the room. Meredith just kept staring ahead.

"Damn it O'Malley!" I could hear Alex mutter.

"George is brain dead!" Izzie cried.

Alex put his arms around her to comfort her. Meredith just kept staring ahead.

"Mer?" I said.

She looked at me. Her eyes look like they were about to pool with tears. She got up and walked towards me and I embraced her with all that I had.

"Let's get out of here" she whispered.

We left Alex and Izzie alone. Honestly I wanted to be alone with Meredith. I think she needed some comforting.

"I'm going to go talk to the chief, you go get your stuff, okay?" I said running my hand up and down her back.

She nodded and was on her way.

I went to go find Richard. He was sitting in his office talking on the phone.

"Has the family been informed?" I barged in asking.

"His mother and brothers are on their way" he said. "Get out of here Shep, go home to your wife" he smiled.

"How did you know?" I asked puzzled.

"I saw the ring around her neck. Congrats! I'm sincerely happy for you two. Take care of her Shep," he said giving me a handshake.

I smiled in return and left the office.

I went to my office and quickly changed out my clothes. Twenty-four hours ago I got married and now it was time to grieve the loss of a fellow colleague. In a few days I would be at George O'Malley's funeral. It goes from the happiest point in my life to another low. I guess that is how life works.

I reached the resident lounge and saw a lone Meredith sitting on the bench alone. I could hear the muffled sobs. I quickly sat next to her and held her tight. I kissed the top of her head. She turned and looked at me with red puffy eyes.

"Shh.. Mer. It will be okay" I stated.

She wiped her face with her sleeve.

"It's not okay" she whimpered.

"I know" I tried to soothe her.

"Life isn't fucking fair Derek! George O'Malley was fucking hit by a bus! Why would God do such a thing? I prayed to God for the second time in my life today, and guess what **NO** miracle worked! I lost a friend, part of my family! It hurts! George O'Malley is fucking dead and I didn't get a chance to day goodbye!" she ranted.

Her fists clenched my shirt and she sobbed some more. I honestly could feel the hurt she was experiencing. She beat my chest a couple times and I let her. She lost family and she was hysterical.

"I know it's not okay Mer. I love you. Just remember that" trying to calm her down.

She looked up at me and released her hands from my shirt. She sniffled a little and reached up to her neck to play with her necklace. I smiled a bit. I think it was her way of saying 'I love you too' in that moment.

We stayed in silence for a few more minutes. Then I had the idea.

"Let's go say goodbye to George. He not technically dead yet. He is still warm and alive." I said.

She nodded in agreement collecting her purse. I held her shoulder as we exited the lounge.

I hated this part of being a surgeon and being a human. I hated death. It's something we can't escape. I have experience the heartache and now my wife was suffering. Being human sucks sometimes. I hate saying goodbyes, so it's a see you later O'Malley.


	22. Breathe

New Chapter. Happy Times will be ahead...I promise :) **Song: Breathe-Anna Nalick. Please Read and review!**

* * *

_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,  
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,  
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"  
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes  
Like they have any right at all to criticize,  
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason_

_'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable_  
_And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table_  
_No one can find the rewind button, girl._  
_So cradle your head in your hands_  
_And breathe... just breathe,_  
_Oh breathe, just breathe_

_May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss_  
_"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,_  
_"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."_  
_Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,_  
_But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,_  
_Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it._

_Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,_  
_And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table._  
_No one can find the rewind button, boys,_  
_So cradle your head in your hands,_  
_And breathe... just breathe,_  
_Oh breathe, just breathe_

_There's a light at each end of this tunnel,_  
_You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out_  
_And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again_  
_If you'd only try turning around._

_2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song_  
_If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,_  
_Threatening the life it belongs to_  
_And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd_  
_Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud_  
_And I know that you'll use them, however you want to_

_But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,_  
_And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table_  
_No one can find the rewind button now_  
_Sing it if you understand._  
_and breathe, just breathe_  
_woah breathe, just breathe,_  
_Oh breathe, just breathe,_  
_Oh breathe, just breathe._

* * *

**"According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance." -Meredith Grey**

Life is short. You never know when you are going to end the ride on this roller coaster. George O'Malley was a good man, a noble man. I stood at his burial site and a priest was reading classic rock lyrics. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. The girl who he saved was crying louder than his freaking mom. This isn't funny, but this really represented who George really was, awkward, but in a good way.

Derek held onto my shoulder and I gripped the rose that I would place on his casket. They began to lower him into the ground and I heard a sob escape from Izzie. Christina just stared at the casket, no emotion showing on her face. Owen stood next to her gripping onto her shoulder. Bailey stood there alone with a couple tears rolling down her cheek. Lexie stood there with a lone tear. She had lost one of her best friends.

I took a deep breath and I dropped the rose into the ground where he was buried.

"See you later, George" I whispered.

Derek looped his arm through mine and we walked away. We said nothing as we strolled through the cemetery. I felt sick to my stomach_. George O'Malley was fucking dead. _I stopped Derek for a moment and I leaned over. I puked in the grass and Derek rubbed circles on my back. I stood back up and I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. Derek embraced me and we stood there for several moments before we started making our way back to the car.

Honestly I felt nauseous. I don't know if it's the grief but I felt like shit. Derek held my hand as we drove back on home.

The drive was silent. No words were spoken. Instead I stared out the car window looking at Seattle. George had grown up here his whole life, and now he was permanently buried in the ground here. I sighed at the thought. One of my family members is dead.

We arrived home and Derek unlocked the door. I immediately walked upstairs to our bedroom. As I entered I unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor. I opted for a pair of Derek's sweatpants and my Dartmouth t-shirt. I wanted to be comfortable.

Another wave of nausea hit me and I ran to the bathroom to puke. I saw a shadow on the wall behind the toilet.

"Let's get you in bed" Derek calmly stated.

He helped get me up and escorted me into bed. He pulled back the covers and tucked me in. It was cute in its own way.

"I'm going to go the store and pick up some saltines and some Gatorade. Sit tight" he said bending down to kiss me on the top of my head.

He left and I just sat there and another wave of nausea hit me. I decided to get up and see if we had and anti-nausea medication in the medicine cabinet. I frantically searched the cabinet and saw nothing. I looked underneath the sink and saw nothing but a box of unopened tampons.

Then it hit me. When was my last period? I couldn't remember. Why can't I keep track of these things like the people in the movies? I couldn't be, could I?

I walked down the hall to the other bathroom. I found an unused pregnancy test that Izzie had left here for emergencies. I was freaking the fuck out.

I opened the box, read the directions, and peed on a stick. Now I had to wait five minutes.

Five minutes isn't a long time. Although right now it felt like an eternity.

I sat on the cool bathroom tile and the test sat in the sink.

My hands were shaking and my heart was beating out of my chest.

"Just breathe, Meredith," I thought.

I paced back and fourth through the bathroom. I was scared as hell. We sure weren't planning this at all. I'm only a third year resident. I still have two more tough years ahead of me. I was basically on the verge of tears when the timer went off.

I slowly walked over and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and peeked down. Negative. It was just a virus.

I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but I couldn't muster it. This is what I wanted, right? I started to break down with slow sobs. I turned on the shower so no one could hear me. I honestly thought this was something I didn't want and apparently I was wrong.

I slowly stopped sobbing and got off the bathroom floor. I threw the test in the trash. I looked in the mirror and gathered myself before stepping out of the bathroom. I walked down the hallway, to our bedroom, and crawled back into bed.

I heard the front door open.

"I'm home!" Derek yelled.

My heart was breaking into pieces. I guess I never knew I wanted this, until now. I started to cry again.

Derek walked into the room with a sympathetic look of concern.

He crawled into bed next to me and held onto me.

"It's okay Mer, just breathe" he said.

I just wanted to tell him it's not okay. That I just took a pregnancy test and I had a dream defeated. Instead I just let him hold me.


	23. Breakdown

**Hey there! Thanks for the patience with this update. School is kicking my butt. This will be told in Meredith's perspective; it gives you a better sense of emotion. Anyways read and review like : Breakdown by Jack Johnson  
**

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_I hope this old train breaks down  
Then I could take a walk around  
And, see what there is to see  
And time is just a melody  
All the people in the street  
Walk as fast as their feet can take them  
I just roll through town  
And though my windows got a view  
The frame I'm looking through  
Seems to have no concern for now  
So for now_

_I need this_  
_Old train to breakdown_  
_Oh please just_  
_Let me please breakdown_

_This engine screams out loud_  
_Centipede gonna crawl westbound_  
_So I don't even make a sound_  
_Cause it's gonna sting me when I leave this town_  
_All the people in the street_  
_That I'll never get to meet_  
_If these tracks don't bend somehow_  
_And I got no time_  
_That I got to get to_  
_Where I don't need to be_  
_So I_

_I need this_  
_Old train to breakdown_  
_Oh please just_  
_Let me please breakdown_  
_I need this_  
_Old train to breakdown_  
_Oh please just_  
_Let me please breakdown_  
_I wanna break on down_  
_But I cant stop now_  
_Let me break on down_

_But you cant stop nothing_  
_If you got no control_  
_Of the thoughts in your mind_  
_That you kept in, you know_  
_You don't know nothing_  
_But you don't need to know_  
_The wisdoms in the trees_  
_Not the glass windows_  
_You cant stop wishing_  
_If you don't let go_  
_But things that you find_  
_And you lose, and you know_  
_You keep on rolling_  
_Put the moment on hold_  
_The frames too bright_  
_So put the blinds down low_

_I need this_  
_Old train to breakdown_  
_Oh please just_  
_Let me please breakdown_  
_I need this_  
_Old train to breakdown_  
_Oh please just_  
_Let me please breakdown_  
_I wanna break on down_  
_But I cant stop now_

There are those moments in life where all hope is lost. Hope is something we hold onto when we need it most. You see a lot of patient's families' hold onto hope when there is possibly no hope left. I still hope and I still dream, even when the worst has happened to me.

Emotionally I am a wreck. I have definitely accepted George's death. I am at peace that he isn't suffering. I sure as hell miss him, but I know he is in a happier place.

It has been a week since I thought I was pregnant. I know I shouldn't be crushed on something that wasn't there to begin with, but I don't know how to get over it. I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I can't concentrate, I can only think of what could have been.

I lay in bed as the alarm went off. Derek started to stir next to me. I sighed and slammed my hand on the off button.

Derek sighed and then stretched his whole body across the bed. He yawned and then rolled over to look at me.

"Morning" he smiled kissing me quickly on the lips.

"Morning" I fake smiled.

Derek looked at me with concern. My husband (that is still weird to say) always knows when something is wrong. He can definitely sense something.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I put on my best fake smile. "I am more than fine" I smiled kissing him on the lips.

"Fine, fine? Or Meredith fine?" he questioned.

"Seriously, I'm okay Derek" I huffed.

"Okay" he sympathetically smiled at me. He rolled out of bed and began to get ready for work.

I sighed and lay there for a few more minutes before beginning my day.

I wasn't fine and I'm not okay.

It was another rainy day in Seattle. The hospital was rather slow, but never say a hospital is slow, you may press your luck.

I roamed the hospital slowly just looking lost. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know where I'm going. All I know is these feelings are bottled up inside me. I began looking at charts.

"Meredith!" a voice called out from behind me. It was Christina.

"Hey" I managed to squeak out.

"What's the matter with you? I haven't seen or spoken to you in days!" she asked concerned.

I looked at her with a glossy film going over my eyes. She looked at me sympathetically.

"Let's go talk somewhere privately," she said taking me by the arm.

We walked down the hallway and she pulled me into an empty exam room. She turned on the lights and closed the blinds while I shut the door behind us. She turned around and faced me. The spotlight was on me.

"I took a pregnancy test!" I blurted out.

Christina looked at me with raised eyebrows. I think it was just the simple shock of the statement.

"And?" she asked.

"And it was negative" I said choking back tears.

Christina looked at me. She understandingly smiled at me and gave me a side hug.

"I was a nervous wreck! I didn't think I wanted a baby or to be a mother, but then when I saw the negative, something switched in me. I want a baby with Derek. I want this." I blubbered.

Christina held me a little tighter.

"Maybe it is for the best right now" Christina soothed me. "We are only third year residents, still have another two years of residency, but you would make an amazing mother Meredith" she kindheartedly said.

"Have you told Derek?" she probed.

I shook my head no. She was right in asking. I need to tell him how I feel.

I wiped the tears from my face and looked up at her. I was a freaking hot mess.

"Thanks" I muttered.

"I'm your person" she smiled reassuring me.

She departed the room, but I waited a few moments collecting myself. I was going to go tell Derek.

I walked down the hallway to his office. I was about to reach his door when my pager went off.

**Crap. 911.**

I ran as fast as I could to the pit where I was paged.

"Grey, curtain one!" Owen roared.

I hustled to the curtain one and grabbed the chart from the nurse. I opened the curtain and there sat a pregnant woman.

I internally sighed.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Grey" I greeted the woman with a fake smile.

"Hey, I'm Shannon. How's my baby? "she said terrified.

I could feel the woman's pain. The fear of the unknown.

"I'll get ultrasound down here in a second. Can I ask what happened?"

"I was in a car accident. Someone rear-ended me and pushed me into another car" she said.

"That must have been frightening" I stated.

Of course it was terrifying Meredith! She was in a freaking car accident. I'm horrible at small talk.

She nodded and I could see that panicked look in her face. I exited the curtain and grabbed the ultrasound machine.

"Can I have you lift up your shirt?" I asked.

She nodded and lifted up her t-shirt. I saw no visible signs of trauma.

"This will be a little cold" I said squirting the gel on her baby.

She flinched a little bit due to the shock of the coldness.

I ran the doppler over her abdomen. Inside of her was a miracle. I guessed she was about five months. The features of the baby stood out. I examined the picture and turned up the sound. There was a heartbeat. Shannon took a deep sigh of relief when she heard it.

"I don't see anything wrong with you or your baby. You both are perfectly healthy" I smiled.

I saw a tear escape her face as she sat up.

"Thank you Dr. Grey!" she smiled.

I smiled in return and left the curtain. The smile turned straight once I entered the pit again. I needed to go find Derek.

I once again went up to his office and barged in the door.

He was doing paper work and he looked up at me.

"All right here is the thing. I'm not fine and I'm not okay. I thought something very big, something very life changing would happen us last week. It's something I never though I wanted, but I want it with you. I took a pregnancy test" I cried.

He looked up at me. His mouth was dropped open and he was in complete and utter shock. I was about to crush his hope. The thing about hope is when you hold onto it too long, it's harder to recover when it's crushed.


	24. Oh, My Love

**Derek's POV. Song: Oh, My Love by John Lennon. Please Read and Review.**

* * *

_oh my love for the first time in  
my life  
my eyes are wide open  
and oh my lover for the first time in  
my life  
my eyes can see  
i see the wind, oh i see the  
trees  
everything is clear in my heart  
i see the clouds, oh i see the  
sky  
everything is clear in our world_

_oh my love for the first time in_  
_my life_  
_my mind is wide open_  
_oh my lover for the first time in_  
_my life_  
_my mind can feel_

_i feel the sorrow, oh i feel dreams_  
_everything is clear in my heart (everything is clear in my heart)_  
_i feel life , oh i feel love_  
_everything is clear in our world_

_i feel the sorrow, i feel dreams_  
_everything is clear in my heart (everything is clear in my heart)_  
_i fee thel life , oh i feel love_  
_everything is clear in our world_

It's true what they say. Life changes in an instant. Life can be unpredictable, you roll the dice and you never know what will happen. I know this from being a surgeon, but I know this from living. Life can be cruel and unusual, but you deal with the cards you are dealt.

I couldn't believe what my wife just said.

**"_I took a pregnancy test"_ she cried.**

I was in shock. I didn't know what to say. I've wanted to be a father since I met her. I only wanted kids if she was the mother of my children. The only thing that I could do was smile. I grinned from ear to ear. When she saw this she just bawled even harder.

I walked over to my couch where she was now sitting. I draped both of my arms around her.

"Shhh. it's okay. I know it's not what we planned, but we'll figure it out" I said kissing her head softly.

She slowed down and I wiped a few tears. Her eyes were wide like she has just seen a ghost. Her eyes we're now a bright shade of green. I hate to see her cry, it breaks my heart, but when she does, it really brings out her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Derek…. I'm not pregnant" she sniffled. "The test was negative" she sighed.

My heart was literally on fire. It ached. She really wanted this. She wanted a baby and the dream was ripped right from underneath us. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes, but I needed to stay strong. I needed to stay strong for her, even though I was devastated.

I held her tighter as her sobs slowly settled down. She slowly cam up and I looked into her eyes. I saw hurt. My heart was literally breaking.

"It's okay Mer. When it's our time it will happen" I said kissing her temple.

"I don't know why I'm so devastated. It's not like I lost the baby" she sighed.

"It was the moment before where you were scared as hell, but as you calmed down; you realized you wanted a family. When you saw that negative the dream was gone. I know you thought you would feel relieved, but you want this"

"I know" she mumbled.

"I wish I could have been there for you" I whispered to her.

"I wish you would have been too" she sighed.

I kissed her lips softly. It was a short tender kiss, but it was so right for the moment.

"I love you Meredith" I smiled.

Here eyes lit up a little bit. "I love you too" she whispered.

"I have surgery in fifteen minutes. We can talk more at home if you want" I offered.

"Yeah, we'll see" she said as she walked out.

I walked into the scrub room and the only thing I could think about was Meredith. I scrubbed in between my fingers. Meredith wanted this. She wanted a family I stopped scrubbing in and I told the scrub nurse to get Dr. Nelson. It was a simple craniotomy and he could easily do it. I wanted to go home to my wife. I needed to go home to her to make sure she was okay.

On the way home I stopped at the store to grab a carton of strawberry ice cream. Maybe this would help; sometimes she talks more when she eats. As I passed through the check out lane I noticed a pregnancy test. I picked one up and put it into the cart. I was going to give it to her tonight, not to take, but just to hold onto.

I arrived home and I kicked off my shoes. I looked over to my left and I saw Meredith's feet hanging off the couch. I walked over and just glanced at her. She was laying on her back looking straight up at the ceiling with her hands over her abdomen.

"Meredith?" I called out.

She sat up on the couch.

"Hey" she smiled.

I came over to her and pulled the carton of ice cream out of the bag with a plastic spoon.

She smiled.

"You really know how to make a girl feel better" she smiled.

I handed her the carton and plopped on the couch right next to her setting the bag to my side. I put my arm around her.

She started to chow down on the ice cream and I couldn't help but smile.

"Slow down, you'll get a brain freeze!" I laughed kissing her cheek.

She giggled. That was the Meredith I knew.

"How are you doing?" I questioned.

She put the spoon down into the carton.

"I think I'm okay for now. I have you here next to me and I have my friends. You're all the family I need" she smirked.

Part of my heart ached at that statement, but the other half was happy. She seemed okay. She then paused for a second.

"Eventually I want a child with you, but maybe it isn't the right time. I want to be a mother, it will happen, when it will happen" she stated shoving a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

I smiled.

"The two of us will be okay right now" I smiled rubbing her arm. " I do have something though" I said reaching for the bag.

Her eyebrows rose a little bit.

"That's a pregnancy test. We've already established I'm not…" she rambled.

"I know. It's for later. So when you do think you are again, we have one. There is one condition though, if you take it, you need to tell me about it as soon as you do. I don't have to be there with you, but I want to know the results" I smiled.

She smiled at me and shook her head. She leaned in for a passionate kiss. It took my breath away.

"Let's go upstairs" She smiled.

She took my hand and led me up the stairs.

Life is unfair. There are a million reasons why but sometime life has to throw you a curveball. All you can do is keep swinging.


	25. Fine By Me

**Alright here's a fluffy chapter for you! A little shorter than usual. Song- Fine By Me- Andy Grammer. Please Read and Review!**

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_You're not the type_  
_Type of girl to remain_  
_With the guy, with the guy too shy_  
_Too afraid to say he'll give his heart to you forever_  
_I'm not the boy that will fall to his knees_  
_With his hands clasped tight_  
_Begging, begging you please_  
_To stay with him for worse and for better_

_But I'm staring at you now_  
_There's no one else around_  
_I'm thinking you're the girl for me_

_I'm just saying it's fine by me_  
_If you never leave_  
_And we can lay like this forever_  
_It's fine by me_

_In the past I would try_  
_Try hard to commit to a girl_  
_Wouldn't get too far_  
_And it always somehow seemed to fall apart_

_But with you, with you, with you_  
_I can see what I need_  
_I can dream realistically_  
_I knew that this was different from the start_

_And it seems that every time_  
_We're eye to eye_  
_I can find another piece of you_  
_That I don't wanna lose_

_And I'm staring at you now_  
_There's no one else around_  
_I'm thinking you're the girl I need_

_I'm just saying it's fine by me_  
_If you never leave_  
_And we can lay like this forever_  
_It's fine by me_

_I'm just saying it's fine by me_  
_If you never leave_  
_And we can lay like this forever_  
_It's fine by me_

_And it's never easy_  
_Darling, believe me_  
_I'm as skeptical as you_  
_When I think of life without "us"_  
_She's like "What we supposed to do?"_  
_But I don't wanna come on too strong_

_I'm just saying it's fine by me_  
_If you never leave_  
_We can lay like this forever_  
_It's fine by me_

_It's fine by me_  
_If you never leave_  
_And we can lay like this forever_  
_It's fine by me_

_I'm just saying it's fine by me_  
_If we never leave_  
_And we can lay like this forever_  
_It's fine by me_

* * *

You know that feeling? The feeling you get when everything seems perfect. I have never had a feeling like that in my life. Instead my world feel like it's in the process of being glued back together after being shattered. Except the glue being used is bad and slowly smaller pieces start breaking off. George died, Izzie has cancer, and I'm not pregnant. They say life gets you down sometimes. For me my life has been an uphill battle. I feel like I'm constantly losing the battle, but hell I'm Meredith Grey-Shepherd, I'm a fighter. Screw life. I'm going to live how I want.

Derek and I decided to get away from the busy life of Seattle for a few days. We headed out to his trailer to enjoy some peace and quiet with Logan. I feel like we've been neglecting him, but life has been out of control lately. This was some much needed quality time with my husband and dog.

Derek pulled up the dirt road that lead to the trailer. He put the car in park.

"We're here" he smiled.

"Thank God!" I smiled in return.

He kissed me softly on the lips before hoping out of the car. I unbuckled my seat belt and Logan came barreling out my door.

I watched as Logan ran free on the land. His ears flopped in the wind and I giggled slightly. The way that dog can make me smile is amazing.

Derek came up from behind me and grasped my shoulder. He looked on too as Logan was running back towards us.

"Hey buddy!" I said getting down on the ground to rub his tummy.

Derek knelt down on the ground and proceeded to do the same thing. Logan's paws were sticking straight up in the air while lying on his back. His tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth.

After several minutes my arm became tired and I stood up.

"Let's go for a walk" I declared looking at Derek.

He stood up and grinned.

"That sounds like a great idea"

Logan led the way as we walked around the land. Derek had his fingers intertwined through mine, while I leaned on him. We we're silent as we pulled up to the stream on the land. Logan ran full speed ahead and dove into the water.

Simultaneously Derek and I laughed. After a few moments of silence I sighed.

Derek leaned over and wrapped one arm around my shoulder.

I watched as Logan swam in the water and retrieved sticks out of it. Right now, in this moment, everything seemed okay.

"I wish we could live out here. It's just so much more peaceful and relaxing. It honestly clears my mind of everything that has been going on. This moment is perfect" I sighed.

Derek leaned forward and kissed the top of my forward.

"Why don't we get started on our house?" he grinned.

I looked over at him a little shocked. I knew we had plans drawn up, but I thought we wouldn't start building until we began building our family.

"But….." I began and then he cut me off.

"These last few months have been wonderful and very hard. I got married to you and I get to wake up to you every morning. It has also been very difficult with Izzie, George, and the negative test. I love this piece of land and it is our get away. Why don't we make it a permanent get away? We can live here, raise our kids, and grow old. Each time we look out the window we can be reminded that this is our escape from reality" He breathed.

I thought for a moment and stared directly ahead. It would be nice to escape the grasp of my mother. I still live in a place where I think of her shadow suffocating me.

"Let's do it" I exclaimed.

Derek looked at me. I think he was a little stunned. I don't think he was expecting me to give in that easily.

"We still live in my mother's house. I'm still in the shadow of her. It would be nice to live somewhere where I'm not constantly reminded of her and my depressing childhood. Let's build this house and I can start a new legacy as a Grey-Shepherd."

Derek looked at me and his aqua blue eyes lit up. His smiled widened and he came in for a kiss. It was short but sweet.

"Let's start out own legacy, Meredith" he smiled.

I returned the smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Logan came running over all wet and basically flew into Derek's arms.

He flinched a little, but then laughed. I was laughing uncontrollably. In this moment everything was okay. There was no more dark and twisty past haunting me and instead I saw the bight and shiny future directly ahead of me. We would build a house on this land and eventually raise our family here. I could be stuck in this moment forever, and it would be fine by me.


	26. The Way It's Meant To Be

_**this story may not get many reviews, but the amount of hits and visitors keeps me writing. thanks everybody and enjoy!**  
_

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_Run_

_Is this to be our fate_

_Hide_

_Freedom is ours as long as we escape_

_We walk in the shadows, we do_

_For now but we all know_

_Our time is near_

_This is the way it ends_

_Don't tell me its meaningless_

_There'll be no compromise_

_We fall, and we too, shall rise_

_You held me and taught me how_

_I think I am ready now_

_If this is the way it ends,_

_Then this is the way its meant to be_

_We will be spilled in blood_

_And this is the way that they'll remember us_

_Emerge from the shadows, we will_

_Emerge from the shadows_

_This is the way it ends_

_Don't tell me its meaningless_

_There'll be no compromise_

_We fall and we too shall rise_

_You held me and taught me how_

_I think I am ready now_

_If this is the way it ends,_

_Then this is the way its meant to be_

_Under my skin, they fade away_

_(Here's to life with no regrets)_

_See you again all one day_

_(Give me life or give me death)_

_Can anyone ever really say_

_(Random singing)_

_This is the way it ends_

_Nothing is meaningless_

_There'll be no compromise_

_We fall and we too shall rise, again_

_If this is the way it ends,_

_Then this is the way its meant to be_

_And this is the way its meant to be..._

As a surgeon you are use to seeing blood. Blood comes to us by the pints as we operate. We see it when we slice a patient open, we see it on our gloves, and we see it when we close our eyes. The place you don't want to see blood pooling out of is a person you love. There the saying that you never know where you might end up. Is this the way it's meant to be?

I awoke in a dark on call room. It couldn't have been any later than 3:30 am. I stretched and got out of bed. Meredith was working the overnight shift and I decided to stay at the hospital while she worked. Another two hours and we were good to go home.

I exited the on call room. The hallways were rather silent. It seemed too bare to be a functioning hospital. I looked around, there were no nurses at the nurses station and no doctors standing around yawning with their coffee. Something was up. I turned around and walked over to the next wing. Same scenario.

"Derek!" I heard a man call my name.

I turned around and it was Richard. He looked a little panicked.

"What are you doing out here?" he said grasping my arm.

"I just got up. What's going on?" I asked.

"Didn't you get the mass page?"

I looked down at my pager. Shit, i must have slept through it.

"What's going on?" I asked him worriedly.

"There is an armed man loose in the hospital! He's after a patient." he stated.

My eyes widened. All I could think about was Meredith.

"There's a man loose?" I questioned again.

"Yeah, go find somewhere to hide out. The bastard has already shot someone" Richard said.

I gulped. Meredith? Could it be?

As soon as Richard turned around I bolted to the surgery wing. On the catwalk there stood Meredith face to face with a shooter. My heart began to race and my legs felt like jello. I was going to fucking lose her!

I saw Meredith put her hands up in the air. It looked like she was trying to talk the shooter down. I crept a little closer to listen in.

"Please, I don't know who you are looking for is" she trembled with fear.

"I think you do!" the man shouted.

He pointed the gun directly at Meredith. With the pull of the trigger Meredith was lying on the ground. The man immediately ran off and I ran as fast as I could over to her.

She was shot. What the fuck was wrong with that man? I knelt down next to her and noticed she was shot in the shoulder. I sighed in relief because it wasn't near the heart. I pulled off my scrub top to stop the blood. I held it down tightly. Blood was soaking in fast.

Meredith's eyelids began to flutter open.

"Ouch" she muttered.

"Meredith! I need you to wake up! Say something, anything!" I pleaded.

"I..love..you" she whispered.

" I love you too. Don't die! You can't die, you hear me!" I shouted.

"Won't...die.." she muttered.

I leaned down and kissed her lips softly. She looked up at me and tried to smile.

"Can you stand, Meredith?" I asked.

"I think so" she breathed.

I helped her up and she leaned on me with her opposite shoulder. I kept holding on to plug the hole until I made it into an empty trauma room. I laid her down on the table to start examining her shoulder.

"Through and through. You are going to be fine!" I smiled.

"See, I'm tough" she faintly smiled.

"That you are"

I went over to the supply closet to grab an irrigation tray, gauze, and some morphine from the drug cart. I immediately started an IV.

"All right, I'm giving you some morphine" I stated.

"No" she protested.

"Mer.."

"Listen Derek, I don't want any cloudy moments. I know it's going to hurt like hell, but I need you here with me. I don't want to drift off in a different world" she cried.

"Okay" I said leaning down to kiss her head.

I started to irrigate and she began to wince in pain. She grabbed the table and held on for dear life. I packed the wound as I looked up I could see the tears in her eyes. My heart was broken. This should have never happened to her in the first place. She was a doctor doing her job. She didn't deserve this.

She let out a soft sob and I kissed her forehead.

"It's over" I stated.

Instantly our pagers went off in sync. I ran over to the phone to dial the number

I listened in and sighed in relief instantly. They caught the bastard. I began to break down in tears.

"What is it?" Meredith winced in pain.

"They caught him! They caught the guy who did this to you" I whispered.

She had an instant sigh of relief.

I held her for a few moments. I knew she would fully recover, but just the thought of losing her scared the hell out of me.

"Come on let's get you admitted" I breathed.

I went into the hall to grab a wheelchair. As we walked back into the lobby stares came directed towards us. Many of our friends looked on as I kissed the top of her head.

Today was like deja vu. It was a reminder of how my father died. I couldn't lose another loved one to a bullet. I thanked God in that moment for keeping Meredith safe. Nobody knows what will happen in life and maybe that is the way it's meant to be.


	27. All I Need

_Sorry for the delay. School is keeping me busy. The song is all I Need by Mat Kearney. ENJOY!_

* * *

_Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight_

_I woke up this morning to a blood red sky_

_They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights_

_We're on the run I can see it in your eyes_

_If nothing is safe then I don't understand_

_You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man_

_One more day and it's all slipping with the sand_

_You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand_

_The back of my hand_

_Guess we both know we're in over our heads_

_We got nowhere to go and no home that's left_

_The water is rising on a river turning red_

_It all might be OK or we might be dead_

_If everything we've got is slipping away_

_I meant what I said when I said until my dying day_

_I'm holding on to you, holding on to me_

_Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see_

_You're all I see_

_The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm_

_Glass is breaking so don't let go of my arm_

_Grab your bags and a picture of where we met_

_All that we'll leave behind and all that's left_

_If everything we've got is blowing away_

_We've got a rock and a rock till our dying day_

_I'm holding on to you, holding on to me_

_Maybe it's all we got but it's all I need_

_You're all I need_

_And if all we've got, is what no one can break,_

_I know I love you, if that's all we can take,_

_the tears are coming down, they're mixing with the rain,_

_I know I love you, if that's all we can take._

_A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground_

_We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down_

_The TV's playing it all out of town_

_We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown_

* * *

Hospitals. I love them as a surgeon, but I hate them as a patient. The sound of beeping machines, boring cable, and the way too short visiting hours, yeah, I hate it all. Nothing is worse than lying in bed all day and the only action you get is rolling from side to side.

It has been 48 hours since the shooting. I was admitted 48 hours ago and Derek hasn't left my side since. He has only been up to use the bathroom and to get us both some decent food. I on the other hand was bored out of my mind. I usually sleep when Derek is awake and Derek sleeps when I'm awake. Great luck we have, right?

There was no surgery needed for my arm. The doctors have kept me here for the last two days to keep an eye on the weakness I have been having. Derek has constantly been making me do my rehabilitation exercises. It sucks being married to a neurosurgeon sometimes.

Derek started to stir on the couch and I watched as his eyelids fluttered open. He rubbed his eyes and then stretched his arms and legs. He got up and sat on the swivel chair next to my bed. He then grasped my hand and rubbed the top of it.

"Morning" he smiled.

"Hey" I smiled back.

He kissed me on the cheek and I breathed in his scent.

"How's the pain today" he asked.

"About a five" I honestly stated.

He gave me a smile.

"That's great" he said enthusiastically.

"What would be great is to get the hell out of here. I hate it here!" I whined.

He gave me a sympathetic smile and kissed my hand. "You'll be out soon" he said reassuringly.

"I hope so!" I pouted.

I breathed in a deep sigh.

"You know you could have died" he stated.

"Well I didn't" I shot back.

"I know you didn't, but it made me realize that I can't continue without you. So don't you dare die!" he pleaded.

I looked into his piercing blue eyes.

"You promise me the same thing. I want a lifetime with you" I smiled.

"It's a deal" he said kissing me on the temple.

We were staring into each others eyes having a moment when we were interrupted by the door opening.

Miranda Bailey stood there with charts." Well Dr. Grey, it's good to see you in such high spirits!" she said.

"Stuff happens. You can't help it" I stated.

"Well, don't ever scare us like that again. I can't deal with a McDreamy and I sure as hell can't deal with a McDreary!" she joked.

I laughed. I loved her sense of humor, even though she was still the nazi in my eyes.

"Well I just came in here to give you the news that you are being discharged. your husbands a neurosurgeon, he can help you with exercises. " she smiled.

She handed me the clip bored and i signed as fast as I could.

i handed the chart back to her.

" I don't want to see you in another hospital bed again, you hear me Grey?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey!" I smiled.

Dr. Bailey left the room and Derek held my hand.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Hell yeah!" I smiled.

Derek began packing up the things that he brought me. I watched as he brought over the wheel chair. I sat up to the side of the bed and he helped me get down into the chair.

It officially hit me. I was shot! I was fucking hit with a bullet!

My breathing became rapid. The room seemed to be small. As soon as I began to cry Derek was down on his knees and he hugged my left shoulder.

"I was shot!" I cried.

"I know" he sympathetically smiled.

"Why is the world so cruel and mean? What did I do to deserve all this?" I shouted.

Derek took both of his hands and cupped my face. My breathing rate was starting to slow down.

"You don't deserve any of this. I was terrified when you were with the bomb, when you drowned, and when you were laying on the ground in a pool of your own blood. You Meredith Shepherd-Grey are strong. You keep fighting and I admire that. I wish I was a strong as you" he choked out. He gave me a tender kiss on the lips.

"We'll make it through this like everything" he said pushing me out the door.

I smiled. I was going to live another day with Derek. I would continue to fight and stay in this world for him. I don't need anything in this world but him, he's all I need.


	28. Sweet and Low

**Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm finishing up my first summer school class and then I just got my wisdom teeth out. So here is a much needed update. Thanks for following me! Read and Review Please!**

**Song- Sweet and Low by Augustana**

* * *

_Anywhere you go, anyone you meet,_

_Remember that your eyes can be your enemies,_

_I said, hell is so close and heaven's out of reach_

_But I ain't giving up quite yet,_

_I've got too much to lose_

_Hold me down, sweet and low, little girl_

_Hold me down, sweet and low, and I will carry you home_

_Hold me down, sweet and low, little girl_

_Hold me down, and I'll carry you home_

_The rain is gonna fall, the sun is gonna shine,_

_The wind is gonna blow, the water's gonna rise_

_She said, when that day comes, look into my eyes_

_No one's giving up quite yet,_

_We've got too much to lose_

_And I'll carry you all the way,_

_When you say you're fine_

_But you're still young, and out of line_

_When all I need's to turn around,_

_To make it last, to make it count_

_I ain't gonna make the same mistakes_

_That put my mama in her grave_

_I don't wanna be alone_

* * *

There's that moment in life when you can lose everything you have ever had. Anything that you have ever worked for would be gone in an instant. One minute it's there, and poof, it's gone. I have worked hard for everything in my life, but there is one thing I will always fight to hold onto, Meredith.

Things have been a little hectic since she got shot. Izzie had another successful surgery. We are optimistic about her further recovery. Little Grey broke up with Mark because he now has a grandchild and Christina is dating Owen Hunt. As for Meredith, well she's hanging in there. She is so ready to get back to cutting and today is her first day back.

I sat and continued to stare at the newspaper, but honestly I was thinking about everything. The family I want to start, the house that was being built, and Meredith's mental state. It honestly seems like a lot to deal with.

I heard some footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Guess who gets to work today!" she announced.

i smiled. She had great enthusiasm and she truly loved her job. It's great to see her in good spirits again. She bent over me taking a piece of my toast and plopped down on the stool next to me. I took another sip of my coffee.

"Hey" I smiled kissing her on the cheek.

"I am so ready to be back today" she said cheerfully.

"I'm ready for you to be back too. I miss my wife at work" I said giving her multiple kissed on the neck.

She gave me one of those heartfelt Meredith giggles. "Stop or we are going to be late!" she protested.

I didn't care. My wife was coming back to work.

* * *

I buttoned my pants up and smiled at Meredith while she redressed.

"That was so worth being late!" she exclaimed.

I laughed in response.

We grabbed our things and scurried out the door.

As we arrived to the hospital I grabbed her hand and we ran through the parking lot. We were ten minutes late. Not how Meredith wanted to start out her first day being back. The sex was totally worth it though.

As we entered the hospital several nurses and doctors greeted Meredith on her first day back. She smiled awkwardly at them. i could tell that she was uncomfortable. As we made our way through the crowded lobby we finally made it to the elevator. We stepped inside and nobody was around.

"How's the pain?" I asked her.

"About a four" she sighed.

"That' good" i smiled giving her a peck on the lips.

She wanted more as she deepened the kiss. Her hands grasped my hair and her tongue was swirling inside my mouth. Just as I was about to make a move the elevator dinged. Meredith ripped herself off of me and straightened her hair and scrubs.

She exited the elevator and turned around.

"See you later, Dr. Shepherd" she smiled.

* * *

Twelve hours into my shift and i haven't seen my wife once. I missed her. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and go to bed. I was tired and I'm sure she was considering it's her first day back in two weeks.

I decided to go to my office and catch up on some new cases. As I walked towards my office I noticed my light was on. I grabbed the keys out of my pocket. I opened the door and saw Meredith laying down on my couch.

I walked over in front of her.

"Hey" she weakly smiled.

"Hey" I said sitting on the floor next to her.

"Would you love me even if I wasn't a surgeon?" she asked out of the blue.

I sat for a moment in silence.

"No."

Her face fell a little bit.

"I wouldn't love you the same. You have so much talent and I'm not saying that because you are my wife, or because you come from the Ellis Grey blood line. I'm saying that because it's true. You are one of the most talented and gifted surgeons I have ever seen, and to not continue would be a waste. You Meredith, are extraordinary." I smiled bending down to kiss her cheek.

I could see small tears well up in her eyes. I got up and layed down next to her.

"Thanks for that. I really needed to hear that from someone" she said wiping away the stray tears.

I smiled a little bit.

"I love you" I whispered into her ear.

"I love you too. I never want to be with out you" she cried.

"You never will, I promise" reassuring her by kissing her cheek.


End file.
